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Little Yellow Corvette

April 5, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

When my Daddy went through his mid-life crisis, he bought a yellow corvette. To justify this purchase, he gave her to me. At 14-and-a-half, I was too young to drive, even in Arkansas. My driving lessons had been limited to dirt farm roads surrounded by cotton fields with Momma slamming her foot on the passenger side imaginary brake. But even so, he let me drive the corvette down Highway 140 to Cottonwood Corner to buy his packs of unfiltered Camels. Something wrong with this picture? Underage driving + cigarette buying? Suh-weeet.

She was low to the ground and fun to drive. And thinking back, maybe there was a method to his mid-life madness. The inside was cramped like a clown car, leaving very little room for hauling loads of friends around. And she was a police magnet so speeding was not often possible. There was just no sneaking around in that Stingray. She lit up like a beacon, a tracking device before GPS. Momma could probably look out the back bedroom window and see my car leaving the high school parking lot at exactly 3:05 p.m. eight miles away on I-55. The land spread out flat and far and wide, much like West Texas without the tumbleweeds and dust storms. You could almost see the curvature of the earth, making the bright yellow corvette easily visible from the next county. We glowed in the dark.

One night at the supper table, Daddy confessed he spent the entire afternoon, when he should have been farming, following a bright yellow corvette all over the county, back around Evadale, over the levee, certain I had skipped school. He seemed oddly excited about catching me red-handed ditching school, obviously up to no good, a chip off the old block. When he finally caught up with the speeding car, the joke was on him. It wasn’t me. It was some confused man who likely would have called 9-1-1 had cell phones been around then. And Daddy so deserved it! He just expected for me to screw up, anticipating his overdue payback for the trauma he must have caused his own parents. I was safe and sound at Rivercrest with my car in the parking lot where she belonged.  We NEVER skipped a day of school. Not high school anyway. School was the most exciting thing we had to do, so what would be the point of that? 

Then Daddy bought that 2nd yellow corvette for my sister.  Probably so he could watch both of us from afar. Now we had 2 highlighter yellow corvettes, nearly identical twins, and we drove both of them to Baylor University during our one overlapping semester. Two groovy yellow corvettes at Baylor with Arkansas plates was quite the conversation starter, and Baylor was one of few schools that truly appreciated the shocking color. Really, where else could we go? Oregon maybe? That year driving home for Christmas break, following each other, a cop pulled us both over simultaneously near Texarkana, just to chat. He wanted to know the story of our two twinkie corvettes. 

This was the only bright yellow thing I ever wore. Momma taught me from a very early age that yellow was just not my color. Even so, I had many adventures in that car including an entire day spent at the Dairy Queen in Italy, Texas – home of Willie Nelson. That’s very appropriately where she decided to give out. Daddy eventually sold her to a man in Dallas in the mid-80s. Small world. I still look for her around the city. She’s probably looking for me too.
talya

Musical Pairings:

The Beatles, “Drive My Car”
George Jones, “The One I Loved Back Then (The Corvette Song)”

The Year of the Bear!

April 3, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Robert and Brittney sitting in a tree,
K
I
S
S
I
N
G….


For the love of Baylor Nation, isn’t it obvious that Brittney Griner and Robert Griffin III should have a dunking contest, marry and have some amazing little baby bears? PlainAsDay.
 Can you imagine the supernatural jocks Baylor would celebrate in 2030, with size 18+ shoes and wing spans like that of the great wandering albatross? Ken Starr needs to make this a mission critical Baylor priority before RG3 moves off to ObamaLand and marries a Victoria’s Secret supermodel. Time is of the essence.

Keiser Yellow Jackets
my 9th grade year
#21
When I attempted to play basketball, I hated seeing Parkin on our schedule. Those Parkin girls, and we used that term loosely, were behemoths with sumo arms and thighs as sturdy as oak tree trunks. In 7th grade, I prayed Coach Graham would forget I was on the team. Please God keep the starters out of foul trouble. My stomach cramped at the thought of being sent in. Going head to head with these titans gave me nightmares. My only semi-basketball-virtue was my height, although it was no great asset when I tried to hide away at the end of the bench, disappearing into my own body like a shrinky dink. And I certainly wasn’t Brittney Griner tall. I had normal sized girl feet and could wear cute shoes, had there been any cute shoes in the 1970s. 

My mother was an incredible basketball player with an amazing hook shot that people still talk about in Mississippi County. I had no such shot. She was passionate about the sport and nearly got herself ejected from many a game when my sister and I played. Her behavior only further reminded Coach Graham that I was in fact on the team. 

Back inside the safety of our school bus, we were always relieved to have survived another game without death or life threatening injury among the team members or mothers. What were they feeding those girls? Our mothers were convinced some of the Parkin girl’s basketball team players also suited up on the football team last fall. Hmmmm. It was a hot PTA topic. We begged Coach Graham to stop the bus in West Memphis or Marion on the way back to eat supper after the game. Thinking back, a quarter pounder with cheese was probably not the best way to strengthen our core and hone our ball handling skills. While we were giggling and feasting at McDonalds, those Parkin girls were probably drinking steroid laced energy drinks and running bleacher laps to stretch out their dragonslayer quads. Oh well, it’s not whether you win or lose right? Ha. What a crock.

Sic’ em Lady Bears! Beat the Irish.

Lady Bears v. Aggies

talya

Musical Pairings:

George Baines Rosborough, “That Good Old Baylor Line”
R Kelly, “I Believe I Can Fly”

“The only difference between a good shot and a bad shot is if it goes in or not.” – Charles Barkley

cute bear at the Alamo Bowl:)

Sushi and the Dreaded Freshman 15?

March 7, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Everyone should be fortunate enough to experience dorm living. It’s a invaluable rite of passage into college life and adulthood during an important time of personal growth. You learn about yourself sharing 250 square feet with a total stranger, who may or may not be crazy. And you’ll make lifelong friends. Ok so far this is sounding very Dr. Seuss-ish, “and will you succeed, yes you will indeed, 98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed…” But it’s true.

I spent my first college semester at Arkansas State, when they were the politically incorrect Indians. Now the mascot has been changed to Red Wolves, which I choose to ignore. Why are people so sensitive? My roommate and I had a great time at ASU, going to football games and parties and sharing clothes. We made many, many late night Taco Bell runs for tostadas. We were absolutely addicted to tostadas. 


At mid-term, I transferred to Baylor knowing only two people, my boyfriend and his brother. I had no girlfriends, and no late night Taco Bell runs, so it was an adjustment. My first roomie was a wacky sorority beee-atch named Candy from San Antonio. She hated me right out of the gate because a) she had been trying to move one of her big haired, tanned sorority sisters into her room, and b) she thought all people from Arkansas were as dumb as root vegetables. Each afternoon she whipped up some knockoff version of lemon icebox pie in our tiny dorm room, stirring it with her finger, as she had no utensils. She proudly gave these pies to all the unsuspecting little pledges. I may have been a small-town country chick from Arkansas, but I knew how to use forks and spoons, I knew about germs and food poisoning, and I knew how to make a real lemon icebox pie -with freshly squeezed lemons, not that fake stuff in the green bottle. I also knew right then and there, as she stirred that pie filling with her unpolished finger, that I would never belong in a sorority. Candy and I parted ways soon enough, and I went on to make great friends who used eating utensils, for the most part. 

Dorm living has changed a bit since the early 1980s. As we moved Kelsey into her dorm room at the enormous University of Texas, where dorms actually have individual zip codes, we noted all the girls had hot pink matching bedding and carpets and beaded curtains with adorable matchy-matchy everything and storage bins and shoe racks from The Container Store. Each girl room was instantaneously transformed from cinder block to barbie dream house. The guys wheeled in 42-inch flat screen LCD Sonys, Playstation gaming systems and huge Alienware desktop computers with boxes full of cords. Each boy room was expensively transformed into Best Buy. Did they attend class via Wii? At Baylor, our electronics were limited to the console television in the common room where we all gathered each afternoon at 2:00 without fail to watch General Hospital. Luke and Laura were hooking up. There was no campus food court. In Kelsey’s dorm, there was a sushi bar downstairs. The sushi-dorm room combo is just inherently wrong.  Everyone knows freshmen eat pizza.


Now Tate is a freshman at the University of Arkansas living at Maple Hill South. It’s relatively new and  very nice per dorm room guidelines. He moved in with his graduation gift flatscreen, huge computer, suitcase of clothes and 3 pairs of shoes. Within one weeks’ time, he decided all Texas students were grouped together at Maple Hill. Is this true? Are the Texas students segregated? Maybe Arkansas folks think Texas people are snooty, like Candy thought I had no shoes and dated my cousins? 

Maple Hill South
UofA
Elevator Sign

We visited Tate last weekend. His dorm room wasn’t as messy as I expected. There were four Glade Air Fresheners in that tiny space, so it didn’t stink. There were a couple of interesting signs posted in the common area, the first beside the elevator – “do not push elevator buttons with you feet or spit in the elevator.” Really? But the buttons are shoulder height. Tate clarified, “Yeah, people are always pushing the buttons with their feet.” And spitting in the elevator? Who does this? Texan Razorbacks apparently. 

UofA Pet Policy



And evidently someone smuggled in their pet piranha along with their XBox one year? Or a squirrel? Or a pet mallard duck? Of course it is Arkansas. Pig Soooie!

talya

Musical Pairings:
Green Day, “Time of Your Life”

Otter: Flounder, I am appointing you pledge representative to the social committee.
Flounder: Gee Otter, thanks. What do I have to do?
Otter: It means you have to drive us to the Food King. 
(Animal House)

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…” 

(Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!)

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Hi! I'm Talya Tate Boerner. Writer, Reader, Arkansas Master Naturalist / Master Gardener, Author of

THE ACCIDENTAL SALVATION OF GRACIE LEE (2016)

GENE, EVERYWHERE: a life-changing visit from my father-in-law (2020)

BERNICE RUNS AWAY (2022)

THE THIRD ACT OF THEO GRUENE (coming 2025)

Recent Ramblings:

  • Sunday Letter: 11.23.25
  • Maggie and Miss Ladybug: My New Children’s Nature Book
  • Sunday Letter: November 9, 2025
  • Sunday Letter: Oct 26, 2025
  • Sunday Letter: Oct 5, 2025

Novels:

Coloring Books:

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Backyard Phenology:

Children’s Nature Book:

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