A few weeks ago I blogged about Ashlie Tolliver Wilson, a girl who lives in Northeast Arkansas near my childhood home. Ashlie is a day by day recovering meth addict who documents her journey on Facebook. If you missed the original blog post, you can read it HERE.
For six years Ashlie lived the life of a meth addict, hiding from herself and numbing her pain. She also wrote poetry during that time. Writing is great therapy and likely played a role in her recent fight for recovery. Ashlie wrote most of her poetry from a very dark place—she was either high or coming down. Her feelings directed her words, and her poems are beautifully haunting and dark.
Ashlie wrote the following poem on November 5, 2013. On that day she was 59 days clean. Her sober poems are beautiful too.
Overcoming
When I close my eyes
and shut out the pain,
my soul turns inward.
Trying to be perfect,
trying to be right,
I must fight these demons
that come for me.
I am not ready,
yet I must be strong,
determined,
steady in a battle I can’t win.
The enemy is myself,
my demons of sin.
I know I need help
but who can I trust?
Bound by chains of shame
which cannot rust,
I have tried everything
yet nothing has worked.
Do I give up?
Let go of the stress.
Let go of the hurt.
Lose myself to sin
and darkness.
Or do I rise and fight
for what I know is right?
Either way is difficult
yet I recognize my path
to a better world.
I’ll try my best
to win this war
and pass the test.
Although my life has just begun
this is my last chance.
A rising sun spreads
rays of hope over
my dark, cold world.
I am reborn.
My wings unfurl.
I soar above the pain
with nothing to lose.
Everything to gain.
Grace Grits and Gardening
P.S. Today Ashlie is 137 days clean. Go girl!
“The test we must set for ourselves is not to march alone but to march in such a way that others will wish to join us.”
― Hubert Humphrey
If it helps at all Ashlie, you have to know there’s a lot of people that are with you in spirit on this hard journey of yours.
You go girl, I’m so proud of you!
Thanks Winnie! The more people who surround Ashlie with thoughts and prayers the better.
Thank you so much
Such a heart-felt poem. Everyone is routing for you, Ashlie. Be brave and be happy.
Beautiful! Trust yourself and never give up Ashlie!
Talya, thank you for sharing this. I am interested in following Ashlie. My prayers will have your name dear woman.
Thank you Tammy. I know Ashlie appreciates your prayers.
Thank you so much. I truly appreciate your prayers. Feel free to follow me on my facebook page
Ashlie, your poem moved me. You made me feel your struggle and your strength. Don’t give up, Ashlie. Love yourself. You are loved and you are a talented poet. Your wings will unfurl. In fact they have already begun to do that. Let us know how it feels when you are soaring. Thank you for sharing this look into you.
Thank you Christa. I hope to see you soon:)
I have known ashlie for several years abnd to see what God has done sends so much joy and happiness through my he art. Now I continue to pray for my son who is an addict. Please be in prayer for him.
Will do Debbie. Thank you!
Thank you Ms. Debbie. I pray for him everyday. The next time I come to Texas, I will for sure be seeing you. Tell everyone at Austin Chapel Baptist Church that I said hello, and that their prayers are felt and are being answered. I love you all.
Writing was a major key in my recovery–providing focus and goals on which to concentrate.
Ashlee should create her own blog!
I agree! Congratulations on your recovery.
Ashlie’s poem is beautifully written and heart felt. Her gift of writing will help in her healing and restoration. Who knows how many lives will be saved by Ashlie sharing her story. We have another person from Lepanto attending our writing group, Writers’ Ink in Jonesboro. Maybe Ashlie could join us. Thank you for posting this on your blog.
Donna, I think Ashlie would be a wonderful addition to any writer’s group:) Great idea.
Yes ma’am I would love to join your group. Please send me literature on how to do so. Thank you so very much
God bless you for your courage and strength. There is a light — sun (Son) — to guide you. It’s name is Jesus. Keep following that light and you will walk in peace, joy, and the brilliant brightness of His love. Oh, I liked your poem too. It’s encouraging to see someone else not afraid to rhyme!
So true Fay. Thank you for your words of support for Ashlie.
My Mom is a ER nurse in Ohio and sees the effects of drug use all too often. It’s heart wrenching to watch someone you know and love fight demons you can’t help them with. I wish A the best of luck in her recovery.
Thank you so much for sharing this! Congrats on taking your first steps.
What a beautiful poem! Way to go Ashile and stay strong! Addiction is so tough and I am praying for you. Thank you for sharing your poem!
Ashlie, congratulations on your journey to a better life. By sharing your journey you are probably blessing more people than you will ever know. I applaud you! =)
Ash you keep it up . Great poem
I’ve know this young women for few years and I say am proud of you gal .recovery is hard just remember u got writing and your friend in this fight with you! God bless
Everybody made mistakes and deserve at least a chance to correct her mistakes. I knew how Ashley felt and she has my full support to become clean. 136 days is an achievement and I am sure she can be cleaned for 631 days… Cheers. Kenneth from DBB
BEAUTIFUL GIRL…….