A few days ago, I threw myself an old-fashioned pity party. Just me and my faithful schnauzers.
And potato chips.
What began as a morning of productive writing spiraled into an afternoon filled with thoughts of what-the-heck-am-I-doing-with-my-life and what-makes-me-think-I-can-write-anything-worthwhile?
It was ugly.
And it all started because I let someone get under my skin.
A simple comment brought back a flood of insecurities and second guesses. Add to this a lingering sore throat and ear ache plus another 100+ degree day, and I became a crazed and disheartened shut-in wallowing on the couch.
Writing can be lonely and dark on the best of days. Staring at a blank sheet of paper, seeing self-doubt instead of words.
I’m only as good as the last thing I wrote. I don’t remember who said those words, but I understood it, especially on the day of my pity party.
I’m only as good as the last thing I wrote. I don’t remember who said those words, but I understood it, especially on the day of my pity party.
And then it began to rain.
In Dallas.
In August.
A steady soaking rain.
From the porch swing I watched fat drops splatter on my tired ferns. The trees took notice as a breeze moved through, dropping the temperature instantly. The entire neighborhood exhaled.
I grabbed my journal and wrote about the rain. Its smell and feel and the way the steam rose from the sidewalk. A few houses down, kids laughed and splashed, delighting in the rareness.
And I remembered why I write.
talya
Grace Grits and Gardening
Farm. Food. Garden. Life.
Perhaps I write for no one. Perhaps for the same person children are writing for when they scrawl their names in the snow. -Margaret Atwood
“Nothing is wasted on the writer. –Crescent Dragonwagon
“Nothing is wasted on the writer. –Crescent Dragonwagon
The Sky is Crying, Stevie Ray Vaughan
Oh, Talya! I so understand. I need a muse, too. Rain in August in Dallas was yours. You are a wonderful writer!
Thank you Jane:))
You just had to finish it off with “The Sky is Crying” one of my favorite songs and singer/songwriters! To me his best of all time is “Life by the Drop” just him and a guitar and the story about his herion addiction…..and by the way YOU are an awesome writer and an inspiration to us all. Let’s just let the negative folks party by themselves!
Thank you Renee. You are always so supportive and I appreciate you!
With or without potato chips…..lol
:))
OMG! Talya, I could so relate when I read this. I get those feelings all the time when the Inner Critic gets a hold of me and tells me my writing sucks and not to bother.
Glad the rain inspired you and brought you back to your writing. Keep at it. You are a great writer and I can feel the passion you have for it in every post. I always enjoy your posts so much and feel we have lots in common even though you’re a Southern gal and I’m a Northern gal.
The inner critic is the harshest! We do have so much in common. I sense it too:)
Wonderful post and as you’ve already been told, you aren’t alone in staving off the voice of the inner critic. That’s one of the reasons we need one another — to encourage and to challenge us to keep on writing. What better “sign” that refreshing rain to break through all the negative hogwash. Your writing is as refreshing as that rain.
Thank you my friend:))
Don’t quit writing just because of a dark thought or a bad day! I believe we all have those days or moments; just tell them to stay away and get on with what you’re good at. You have a lot of proof right here with those uplifting comments from friends.
Talented girl!
Don’t worry, I won’t. I can’t. I love it too much:)) Thanks Winnie!
Ah, my old nemesis Imposter Syndrome. I see you’re stenching up the air with your foulness out in Texas, too.
Kick him in the ‘nads, Talya. Tell him to go bother James Patterson or Dan Brown. 🙂
good advice as usual Gary!
I thought I was the only one who felt like a fraud! Great post – you hit the feeling spot on.
And, as you did, somehow we recover…
Thank you Gayle:))
Ah, those pity-party days. I say revel in them! They are a part of the writing process, especially considering every writer has them from time to time. They pass, because a writer has to write. We can’t help it. And those pitiful days just add emotional depth to our words on the page.
You are so right of course! Thanks for the comment.
Say WHAAAAT?!?!?! You are an AWESOME writer, and speaking for myself…as only I can do…I am very proud of you for going after your dreams. You are talented and smart, as well as smart and talented! You have all the tools you need to be a great writer, such as: you are sympathetic and empathetic….while that critical “shrimp of an imp” is simply apathetic and pathetic. Don’t listen to him! Listen to us! “Naysayers” are nothing but “Get in the way sayers.”….And as that lady said it so eloquently in that video…”Ain’t nobody got time for that!” So, just keep on keeping on…we got your back!
Thanks Tim. Of course you have to say that being my daddy and all…
Thanks for reminding me what this looks like.. I actually thought I might be dying from some rare form of terminal malaise. Turns out I’m just wallowing in self-doubt. Stymied, if you will, by my own arrogance at thinking I might have any possible credibility as a writer. Why don’t I just go get a regular job and be a regular person like everybody else? Exactly who do I think I am?
Anyway, thanks for the post. Nice to know I am not the only one who suffers in my own self-induced darkness. I’m not sure if the sciatica started the whole process this time around or is a result of my pity party but I’m seeing the light – and walking a little straighter. Thanks again. I’ve subscribed/followed.
You’re welcome Rebecca. Good to know we aren’t alone, right? Thanks for following too!
I know what you mean. I can get real bummed about the five novels no one has wanted if I let myself.
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com
Just went through this only this morning, Talya. But like you said, we must write for ourselves first.
Rain creates a special aura that could be an inspiration for writers…
Keep writing…:)
As soon as our inner friend(desire, inspiration….) gets back to us we are in form again…I feel so….
Loved it… 🙂
I go through this all the time. When I am not in the mood to write…I don’t. Eventually I will be inspired and then I write again. Especially when my husband is home and the aftermath I give myself time off. Then I get back to it.