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Nail Salon Switcheroo

February 4, 2013 By Talya Tate Boerner

Typically I leave my neighborhood nail salon drafting a blog post in my head and thinking did that really just happen? Did she really just put handmade homemade bejeweled wooden shoes on my feet? or Did the floor really flood around my spa chair? 


One day last week, I pulled a bit of a switcheroo on the nail ladies. I gave them a bit of their own strange medicine, something for them to chitter-chatter about on their own Vietnamese blog.
After three days of wallowing around suffering from severe allergies, I decided a manicure/pedicure was just what I needed. I wanted to sit and be pampered (as pampered as one can be at this certain nail salon). I needed to be carried away to a peaceful place, some other place, a place with no allergen-filled spring air.
Give me the works, I said.  I don’t feel well, so I just need to sit here. No rush. They were beyond ecstatic.
So what if I had to listen to a painful rendition of Paper Roses. 
I knew the harsh overhead lights would bother my pounding head, clogged tight with mountain cedar. So, in a brilliant move, I decided to take my sleep mask with me to block the glare and help me relax. (My niece, Taylor, gave me this sleep mask for Christmas. It is magical! Not only does it block the light, but I fall into a deeper sleep which helps mask {no pun intended} John’s snoring.)
Ok, so it looks spooky-crazy, with eyes painted on the outside. It was just crazy enough for the nail salon. 

PayBackTime…

As soon as I put it on I heard…

Đó là freaky! Vì vậy đáng sợ. Người phụ nữ da trắng điên này là điên, nhưng chúng tôi sẽ làm ngón chân của cô vì cô ấy có tiền cho chúng tôi!
I smiled and ignored the nail ladies as usual.

In total blackness, I completely zoned out. I’m certain the customer who came in and sat in the spa chair next to me immediately began blogging about her insane spa experience. And to that lady I say, you are very welcome.

talya

Musical Pairing:

Paper Roses, Marie Osmond

Patriotic Toes

July 4, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Tina: You want flag?

Me: Excuse me?

Tina: We do flag.

Me: What? I don’t understand.

Tina: On you toes? You want flag? Red and blue?

Me: Do I want a flag painted on my toes?

Ok by now these people should know I don’t do stars or flowers or smiley faces or anything on my toes. I’m boring.

Tina: We do for Forf of July.

Me: No no no. Just stick to the plain color. No decoration.

Tina looked sad. I hate to disappoint. But not bad enough to have striped toes for my birthday…


About this time a girl came rushing into the salon which instantly cheered them. A new customer! Yippee. Maybe she would want the flag.

She was directed to the spa chair next to me where she immediate set up shop. Literally. Very, very, important and busy this one. 

I wanted to smack her. I knew right off she would not want the flag. Relax already. We are getting our toes done.

Relaxing wasn’t in her nature. She was tense and pinched, her voice clipped. Before her old polish was removed, she made two cell phone calls, speaking instructions hastily, very to-the-point. She left messages both times as I’m certain her calls were being screened. 

Kim: You want manicure too?

VeryBusyPerson: No. No time. Just a pedicure. Thank you. 

Kim: Yes, ok. 

What!? My mouth gaped I’m sure. What do you mean Yes, Ok. You people are going to let a captive manicure walk out the door? What about the flag? Aren’t you gonna ask if she wants a flag!  

Suddenly with this VeryImportantOne, the salon ladies had developed a filter. They never badgered her, never questioned her lack of a manicure or even offered a flag. 

Maybe they assume a rude person is unpatriotic? 

I looked over and she had her day planner spread across her lap. Every fifteen minutes was filled with an important meeting, the book stuffed with papers. I almost said, you know there’s a calendar on your iPhone, but I thought better of it. Somehow I think she likes toting around a big King James-looking calendar.

I closed my eyes and enjoyed the foot massage. The salon atmosphere was completely different today. Phantom of the Opera played. Not the typical salon soundtrack. Perhaps Ms. Business Girl ordered this serious music in advance.

multitasking 
Suddenly I hear tap tap tap peck peck taptaptaptap pop pop pop pop tap. Very Very rapid fire typing sounding like a morse code machine. This chick is balancing a previously unseen laptop on her thighs while getting a pedicure. A very accomplished typist which I admire, but as she types a fortissimo spreadsheet I want to scream. Her cell phone text messages continue to roll in, constantly beeping. 
texting

The UPS man walked in with a delivery. If the package was for my spa mate I would truly be impressed…

I left happy and secure with the knowledge that even at my peak, raising kids, working 40 hours, shuttling back and forth to games and school functions, I was NEVER that busy and important. And I’m proud to be boring and patriotic without having stars and stripes on my toes. 

talya

Musical Pairings:

Superwoman, Alicia Keys
Ice Ice Baby, Vanilla Ice

I Need My Crazy Nail Salon!

April 27, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

My friends at Fine Nails will have plenty to chatter about when they see my nails. After 5 solid days of cleaning, sanding, painting and weeding, my cuticles need rescuing.

Why on earth would someone paint window and floor moldings pea green? Maybe there was a special on that color- buy one can get five free? It’s amazing what a fresh coat of white paint can do for windows.

And the white paint stuck underneath my nails almost looks like a French manicure if I squint. I bet the nail ladies will disagree.

More later…

talya

Musical Pairing

Norah Jones, Painter Song

p.s. I typed/posted this via iPhone- forgive typos and lack of formatting:))

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Hi! I'm Talya Tate Boerner. Writer, Reader, Arkansas Master Naturalist / Master Gardener, Author of

THE ACCIDENTAL SALVATION OF GRACIE LEE (2016)

GENE, EVERYWHERE: a life-changing visit from my father-in-law (2020)

BERNICE RUNS AWAY (2022)

THE THIRD ACT OF THEO GRUENE (coming 2025)

Recent Ramblings:

  • Sunday Letter: 11.23.25
  • Maggie and Miss Ladybug: My New Children’s Nature Book
  • Sunday Letter: November 9, 2025
  • Sunday Letter: Oct 26, 2025
  • Sunday Letter: Oct 5, 2025

Novels:

Coloring Books:

Fiction-Themed Coloring Books

Backyard Phenology:

Children’s Nature Book:

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