grace grits and gardening

ramblings from an arkansas farm girl

I pray Alec Baldwin NEVER runs for office.

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Alec Baldwin will be appearing Friday night in Dallas at the AT&T Performing Arts Center. For one night and one night only, if he makes his flight. The event is being advertised as “An Intimate Evening with Alec Baldwin”. What pray tell will he be doing? Reenacting love scenes from It’s Complicated? Ranting about American Airline flight attendants? I wonder what airline he flies now?Should he once again find himself ejected from his flight for whatever reason, completely missing the intimate evening, my husband could stand in for him. He is often mistaken for Baldwin.

Aloha!
Alec











People frequently approach John to tell him he looks just like Alec Baldwin. It happened last weekend at Uncle Julio’s, as we stuffed our pie holes with fajitas. A lady walked up, seemed a bit shy and embarrassed, but just had to speak to John. “Oh I bet you get that all the time, don’t you?” she giggled, this grown woman. “My husband thought I should come over and tell you.” He waved from across the restaurant. Evidently she really thought he was Alec. I thought she might join us for margaritas. John has paparazzi.ย 

After the real Alec Baldwin was punted from his flight in December, I felt people glare at us at Northpark as we shopped for Christmas gifts. They studied our shopping bags to see which stores Alec visited. Was he cheap? Did he buy expensive gifts? People wondered why he was in Dallas. Was he filming a movie? The Dallas area has become a hot spot for movie production, you know. And it’s not that unusual to see actors and singers in Dallas. I saw Jessica Simpson at PF Chang’s – ย not that she’s much of an actor or singer.ย 
John flies quite often on business – so far he hasn’t been booted from any flights, but he doesn’t play Words with Friends yet. I hear its addictive.
?
Baldwin or Boerner?

talya

Musical Pairings:

Alison Krauss, “When You Say Nothing At All”
Keith Urban, “Somebody Like You”

Every Dog Needs a Girl

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Lucy went to the doctor yesterday morning for her annual doggie checkup. Upon arrival, she appointed herself greeter and welcomed each dog that came inside the waiting room, until it was her time to go back. She was friendly and in charge, tugging as far as her leash would allow, visiting with two pomeranians and a poodle, as well as each human escort. 


As we waited our turn, a lady walked up to the checkout counter opposite the waiting room. Her distress was evident as she sobbed while waiting for her bill. The mood in the waiting room immediately changed as everyone became sympathetic, remembering the raw pain of losing a beloved pet. We all sat there with that awful lump in our throats – I think even the dogs knew the atmosphere had changed. By the time she left, nearly everyone in the waiting room was teary. I thought about that lady later in the day and remembered all too well being on that awful side of the counter.

Kelsey and Belle

Kelsey was not quite 4 when she carefully picked Belle up out of a big box at the SPCA where she had been left. She was a tiny black ball of fluff – and she looked scared. She was part of our family for many years and died a few weeks before Kelsey left for college. It was devastating. The pain absolutely knocked us to our knees.


Pets bring such unhindered joy to our lives. They have no idea it’s a bad thing to toilet paper the entire downstairs, but fully understand when we are sick. Taking hold of our hearts, they wiggle their way into the family pretty quickly. Annabelle was absolutely gleeful to see us when we returned from Lucy’s doctor appointment – I thought her tail might shake right off. It was her first experience home alone and in dog time, we had been gone forever. 

Lucy and Lucy
Last night our friend Lynn – who lives a few houses over – called to tell us that her Schnauzer – also named Lucy – had been hit by a car the day before. We adopted our Lucy’s almost at the same time. They were the same color. They were friends. My heart breaks for their loss. Losing a pet is the gut wrenching downside of loving a pet.
talya

Musical Pairings:

Cat Stevens, “I Love My Dog”
Elvis Presley, “Old Shep”

Spanx Interrupted

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Ok all you normal girls, now would be an excellent time to search around in the bottom of your panty drawer for that one Spanx support garment you bought a few years back when you had that exciting event to attend. You know, it was either the wedding of the summer or that all important high school reunion. You exercised for an entire week, loofahed and freshened your highlights to look your most radiant in that incredibly amazing yet snug dress that you couldn’t wait to wear. Everyone would be there – old boyfriends, besties, mean girls, everyone… Then, against your better judgment, you dropped a Benjamin on the Slim Cognito Super Higher Power Shape Slip to smooth away those last subborn ten pounds.

After prying yourself in, you realize those remaining pigheaded ten pounds must go somewhere – there is no magic to this girdle. It simply squished the flab and fat around until it relocated into new rolls on your thighs where none previously existed. Once zipped inside the fantasy dress though, a near-washboard mid-section appeared. Nice. Until it was time to speak. Or inhale.

About half past the pasta buffet line you began to feel a bit faint. Retreating to the toilet, you hid in a stall, prying and peeling the molded polyurethane from your hot skin. Did it melt? Stuffing the horrid thing in your tiny purse like a wad of silly putty, you continued on through dessert, totally commando, yet completely comfortable as each bulge happily returned to home position. 

The extravagant, useless spandex went on to live secretively in the dark depths of your underwear drawer with your black strapless bra. You sometimes think about it – you know it is there, but you can’t possibly donate it. It was expensive! And what if you need it again? Maybe for Halloween?

The time is now. All the California Spanx attended the Oscars Sunday night. There was enough spandex in that venue to keep the moon in orbit. The women of LA are now slowly sobering up to the panicked reality of a Spanx shortage. During the wee morning hours following the awards, as everyone turned back into pumpkins, those perfectly polished Hollywood darlings stuffed their Spanx in the garbage at some fancy after-party or simply sling-shotted their super panties across Hollywood Boulevard. We practical real-life girls could easily turn a buck on Ebay with our barely worn undergarments, now suddenly a commodity. Supply and demand – works like a charm.

I do believe the only female at the Oscars sans Spanx was Angelina Jolie. I really can’t picture her saying, “Brad, does this size double negative zero dress with the hoo-hoo high slit showcasing my thigh bone make my non-butt look fat?” Much has been made about the way she awkwardly struck a pose, thrusting out her skeletor leg while award presenting –  I maintain she was only trying to keep herself upright. She has totally wasted away to the size of a small strange willow twig. Is she starving herself in support of the malnourished Unicef kids in Angola? And was it just me or did her bony leg sparkle a bit like the strange Twilight vampires?


talya


Musical Pairings:


Amy Winehouse, “Hey Little Rich Girl”
Cindi Lauper, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”

Food. Farm. Garden. Life.

THANKS FOR READING!