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Land spreading out so far and wide….

February 27, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Daddy was a John Deere man. Never did he fritter away money on blue or red equipment – no Case or International Harvesters and certainly no Kobotas. Our lawn mower – which the Tate girls commandeered every weekend – was a John Deere. We even had John Deere bicycles. Fancy schmancy. We were green and yellow John Deere people all the way. Other brands and colors were only much slower imitations.

Tate Farm

My sister and I grew up on that equipment, spending entire days climbing on the gargantuan combines and dirty tractors out at the shop on the home place. If a piece of farm equipment sat idle, maybe because the fields were too muddy to plow or it was just the wrong season, we would claim that cotton picker or combine as our own for the entire afternoon. It became our submarine. Always a submarine – never an airplane or boat or tractor. We climbed all over the surface, up into the rafters of the shop, swinging from one side to the top. Amazingly, we never broke any bones or farm implements. But, if we could have figured out how to actually start our submarine, we would have driven it over to Little River. 


Daddy hired several families from south Texas each summer to chop cotton. One summer, Dallas equipped us with hoes, and we chopped with them. We were hoe’rs.  I know they must have been absolutely thrilled to have us in their midst. They were serious about their work, and quick. Speaking no English – at least not to us –  they were covered head to toe in long sleeve work shirts, boots, jeans and wide brimmed straw hats. It was freakin hot, and we thought that was idiotic. Laughing and singing to our portable radio, we wore our bikini tops and Daisy Dukes. We didn’t even wear hats – we wanted those natural highlights you only get from the sun.

We quickly identified the low spot with standing water at mid-field as our natural turning around spot. It certainly wasn’t our fault there was a huge area in the field with standing water – that was totally an act of God. So my sister and I chopped to the water, turned around and chopped back to the highway. The crazy farm hands went around the water and then continued chopping all the way to the ditch. We could barely see that ditch on the horizon! Daddy was not too thrilled with our progress – evidently we were slow hoe’rs. He should have paid us per row instead of per hour, but a deal was a deal. I’m pretty sure we never got that deal again. 

Mississippi County Cotton
The cotton that survived was harvested in the fall. This was one of our absolute favorite times because we loved to tromp cotton. We parked our submarines and spent every moment in the cotton trailers. There was nothing like seeing a full John Deere picker opening along side a trailer and dumping a giant load of freshly picked warm cotton. Sometimes we stood underneath the basket while the cotton was emptied on us like popcorn, then we climbed into the basket high up in the air to make sure there was no cotton clinging inside. Once it was dumped, our ‘job’ was to tromp it. We stomped it down, packing the corners of the trailer so that it would hold more. As soon as the picker returned to the field, we began digging tunnels in the cotton – long, deep, hot tunnels – totally un-tromping it. At dark, we went home exhausted, with cotton lint covering our clothes and burs in our hair. It was the mark of a great day.

I love the smell of freshly picked cotton. It has a very distinct smell that cannot be duplicated. If you’ve picked it, tromped it, turned head over heels in it, or napped in it, then you know. And you’ll always remember. It’s a sweet, clean, damp smell. It smells like cotton.


talya


Musical Pairings:


Creedance Clearwater Revival, “Cotton Fields”
Buddy Jewell, “Sweet Southern Comfort”

Yu-phoria

February 26, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Turning Japanese
1. Japanese Flag Bandana
2. Samurai Sword
3. Ichiban Sweatshirt
4. Shockingly turquoise shorts
5. Big Hair
6. Socks
Wrong on so many levels…..

For many folks this past week marked “the most wonderful time of the year” – and it’s not Christmas but spring training! The sports world is giddy with news of Yu Darvish, the most highly sought after pitcher from Japan. The Texas Rangers just happened to sign him for a cool 6 year /$60million deal give or take a few bucks. I would turn Japanese for that.

My first experience with baseball was getting hit in the head by Craig Barnett’s wild fast ball at the Keiser baseball field in junior high. He nearly broke my jaw. I had a goose egg the size of a golf ball on my face. Apparently he thought I was a pretty good catcher, but I was not. Since that infamous day, I have a fear of objects flying toward my head. Sit by me at the ballpark and your odds of catching a foul ball increase dramatically – my head is a homing device. And, you won’t have to fight me for the ball – I’ll be the one in the duck and cover position – just simply catch it when it bounces off my head. Or, preferably before it hits me. That would be very much appreciated.
While I’m more of a football and basketball kind of girl, I did grow up listening to Cardinal games on the radio. It was part of the magical summer soundtrack always playing in the background while Daddy grilled ribs every weekend. I never made it to an actual game in St. Louis, but spending a nice spring day at The Ballpark in Arlington is pretty fun – although the window of nice days in Dallas is very narrow. Around June, everyone and everything outside begins to melt like soft serve ice cream. Choose your games wisely. 
Yu Darvish is in for a bit of culture shock, but nothing an eight figure salary won’t help alleviate. In 1983, I attended summer school in Japan with a group of U.S. college students. We toured Japanese businesses and attended seminars by day – planning to be future international business leaders. We sang karaoke and drank Kirin beer by night – reverting to our proud redneck roots. We ditched the itinerary and hid out at sumo matches and baseball games, when we grew tired of shrine touring.
Yokohama Stadium
Kynlon-san & Talya-san
Yokohama Whalers v. Tokyo Swallows
The Japanese baseball game was a bit different. The rules were the same I suppose, but the fans were very, very quiet. And polite. It was like a respectful church service. And if a foul ball soared into the stadium seats (by my head) the fan who ended up with it always tossed it right back onto the field. There was no mad scramble for the ball by crazed grown men. No one fell from the upper deck trying to catch the ball. No finders keepers in Japanese baseball. But the biggest difference was the ballpark food. They sold bento boxes filled with rice, octopus and pickled vegetables. And people sat around us eating noodles with chop sticks. Huge vats of pickled boiled eggs were sold at the concession where dill pickles should have been. This is what I remember most. NOT your typical ballpark nachos. Not a peanut to be had. And, sadly, there was no Dot Game!!!
Yes Coke Yes!
Will the food at the Ballpark in Arlington be tweaked to make Yu, the Japanese media and his fans feel more at home? Perhaps delicious yakitori roasting beside the sausage on a stick would go over well? I don’t think chop sticks would be allowed – very weapon like in this day of heightened security. But dollar sushi night could be a big hit. And Kirin Beer – yes please! 
Texas Rangers Ichiban!

 本当にありがとう

talya

Musical Pairings:


The Vapors, “Turning Japanese”
John Fogerty, “Centerfield”

Skinny Ass Jeans

February 25, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

I heard a bit of excellent news this week on ABC. In case you missed it, skinny jeans are bad for your health. Ok so how many millions of dollars did we non-skinny-jean-wearing-taxpayers dole out for this brilliant government study? I could have reported on skinny jean hazards for but a tiny fraction of the cost. According to Consumer Reports, skinny jeans can cause digestive and nerve problems, yeast infections, fertility issues and possibly blood clots. I’ll add to that list for free – what about other very real problems such as plunging into deep dark depression from being unable to get one fat thigh into them? Or the serious life trauma of lying on your bed, trying to squeeze into a pair of vintage slim cut jeans and getting a hanger stuck in the zipper? Or the real physical injury of catching your flabby underbelly skin in the zipper? Or, the permanently wounded self-esteem of finally squashing yourself in, but seeing the majority of your lower half overflow like a well stuffed Chipotle burrito. And then suspecting you cracked a rib in the process. 
The Gap sells an ‘Always Skinny Lightweight Low-Rise Skimmer Stretch Jean”. Its advertised as extra skinny through the hip and thigh with a skinny leg opening. It comes in size 20. Is this not oxymoronic?

Skinny jeans really only work on the very young ultra thin naturally anoxeric waif types who have not sprouted the hips necessary to birth 8+ pound babies.

When I could
wear skinny jeans
(My Jan Brady years)

I do most of my shopping in Kelsey’s closet. She moved to Washington DC, leaving behind all sorts of cool treasures from her college life that she either has no room for or doesn’t want for whatever reason. Maybe the clothes aren’t skinny enough? In addition to clothes, it’s like having a mini-CVS in the house. Sometimes I run in there to look for nail polish remover or body lotion when I’m fresh out. I scored a Michael Kors purse and cute pair of skinny jeans a while back. Once in a blue moon in the early morning hours, I can actually wear these skinny jeans, but by nightfall I must resort to lamaze breathing to make it through my pizza. Pizza and skinny jeans do not pair well together.
fyVMtP8A.jpg Sooner or later we will all be wearing bell bottoms and sporting big-haired perms again. Skinny jeans will be an ugly, uncomfortable thing from the past like shoulder pads. And I don’t need Dr. Oz to tell me this.
Oh, by the way, stiletto heels are bad for the feet as well. 

talya

Musical Pairings:
Queen, “Fat Bottomed Girls”
Joe Nichols, “The Shape I’m In”

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Hi! I'm Talya Tate Boerner. Writer, Reader, Arkansas Master Naturalist / Master Gardener, Author of

THE ACCIDENTAL SALVATION OF GRACIE LEE (2016)

GENE, EVERYWHERE: a life-changing visit from my father-in-law (2020)

BERNICE RUNS AWAY (2022)

THE THIRD ACT OF THEO GRUENE (coming 2025)

Recent Ramblings:

  • Sunday Letter: 03.29.26
  • Sunday Letter: February 22, 2026
  • Our Garden Mission Statement
  • Goodbye, 2025. Hello, 2026.
  • Sunday Letter: 11.23.25

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