Dragonfly Effect

June 26, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Some endangered species should just be allowed to disappear. Perhaps we intervene too often, disrupting the natural order and balance of the universe. For example, I came across a plea to save the Alpine Wooly Rat. Honestly, I hope to never cross his path. Or the Purcell Hunter Slug threatened by loss of habitat. If one moves into my garden by some strange happenstance, he will dissolve in a dusting of Sluggo as fast as the bucket of water melted the Wicked Witch of the West.

Thank goodness the dinosaurs died out. We think traffic is bad now. If you recall, Jurassic Park didn’t end well.

I’m skeptical of the butterfly effect. I know things are somewhat interrelated and devastation of one species can result in utter chaos, but is the graceful flutter of the orange dragonfly hovering over our swimming pool truly responsible for tropical storm Debby currently stirring up the Gulf of Mexico? The dragonfly does reappear each spring right at the onset of hurricane season… Fluke? Fate? Although there are several dragonfly species on the extinct list, they are alive and thriving in our back yard.

Maybe some things should be allowed to naturally die or change or expire or evolve. Extraordinary measures should not become commonplace. No one is responsible. Everyone is responsible. We need protection from ourselves. We should just let things be.

I vote we concentrate all our ecological tree hugging money and efforts on saving whichever species eat mosquitoes.

The blood suckers are well represented this year.

talya

Musical Pairings:

Let it Be, The Beatles

Oooh, so Mother Nature needs a favor?! Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys! Nature started the fight for survival, and now she wants to quit because she’s losing. Well I say ‘hard cheese.’ – Mr. Burns, The Simpsons

iQuit

June 22, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Fun times at the Dallas branch!

I resigned from my loan officer position at State Bank & Trust about nine months ago. After 25 years with the same management, it was a huge change for everyone. After a quarter-century, I couldn’t just write any old plain vanilla milk toast resignation letter…
I’ve had several friends request a copy of my letter, so I’m printing it here.

To: State Bank & Trust
Re: Letter of Resignation

It is with mixed emotions that I write this letter to notify you that
____I’m bored with the same ole stories
____ I hate all my work clothes
____ I am tired of doing banking reports
____ I can’t hold my stomach in anymore
_x__ it’s time for a change.

I am therefore
____ going to beauty school
____ dropping out of society
____ getting plastered
____ learning Mandarin
____ having another baby
____ joining the clergy
_x__ tendering my resignation from the bank.

Please note that
____ I am hilarious
____ you will never see me again
____ I am hearing voices
____ I am changing my phone number
_x__ November 1, 2011 will be my last day of employment.

I would like to thank you for
____ never a dull moment
____ second hand smoke
____ internet access
____ free coffee and cheap insurance
____ letting me wear pants since 1995
____ a wonderful, fun job for a long, long time
_x__ ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Yours very truly,
Talya Tate Boerner

A Rather Rued Evening…

June 19, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

The guys smoked a mountain of food – ribs, sausage, fajitas, chicken – enough for the entire neighborhood. The girls brought sides – slaw, beans, salad, sweet potato fries, guacamole, rice, sautéed onions – enough for the mountain of food. Everyone brought wine – enough for the city. Red,white,Zin,California,Italian. Great night, minimal mosquitoes, clear skies, 4 couples.

1 Arkansas Razorback

1 Baylor Bear

1 Notre Dame Fighing Irish

1 Navy (goat?)

1 Oklahoma Sooner

3 Texas A&M Aggies

How many Aggies does it take to make a great party??

Nellson & Melissa (Aggies) brought their friends Aaron (Navy) & Amy (Aggie) to this dinner. Amy was Melissa’s college roomie and we had never met before this night. Young, gorgeous, blonde couple, Barbie+Ken. Right off I wanted to hate them but couldn’t. Amy was adorable, about 5 months pregnant with their first child and glowing. She gushed over the food and the house and Aaron doted over her. They were sweet.

I quickly discovered she was a dentist. This was shaping up to be a very productive evening. My current dentist is a creeper and his office staff wears me out with constant cross-selling. Would you like to brighten your teeth with that root canal? Would you like to go ahead and replace every single filling in your head just for fun? Amy told me I have beautiful teeth and her staff is low key. Melissa backed her up. As a bonus, her office is more geographically desirable than Pee Wee’s location. I was sold. Sign me up! Here is my insurance card. Could you just clean my teeth in the kitchen after dessert? I found a new dentist!

It’s amazing how things work out.

The wine flowed, but of course Amy could not partake. Regis brought a wine named Rued (pronounced Rude) and another named Earthquake. These names brought lots of silly jokes and laughs. People are very funny on wine.

At these neighborhood gatherings, the conversation always turns to college football, no matter the season. Always. There is an ongoing rivalry between John and Nellson, between the Hog and Aggie. For several years a bet is made before the annual game. There is ribbing and joking and hog calling and weird aggie chanting on our block leading up to that exciting perfect fall day. And each year since the bet has been extended, Nellson is the L-O-S-E-R. His punishment – wearing the Hog Hat to a neighborhood event all night. Instead of ever making good on the bet, John and Nellson prefer to ‘double down’. So now Nellson owes several days of hog hat wearing…

He did dress as John for Halloween last year wearing the Hog Hat and Razorback attire. It didn’t count in my book. It was a costume, and he was having waaaaay too much fun. But he made such a cute Hog.

Melissa as me
Nellson as John

As we discussed the upcoming game in College Station, Nellson remembered last year they were returning from Europe during the afternoon of the game, so they recorded it to enjoy later. His remark reminded me of a Facebook comment I posted to Melissa immediately after the game, not realizing they were recording it – something about Nellson ‘getting’ to wear the hog hat yet another time. Instantly one of her friends responded to my post – THE BURNSES ARE RETURNING FROM EUROPE AND HAVE NOT SEEN THE GAME. DON’T RUIN IT FOR THEM!!!! Wow. Impressive but rude. Melissa and Nellson had their own freakin Facebook police chick??! I quickly took down my post, being neighborly and all, but I was still bitter well into college baseball finals.

As I resentfully recounted this still fresh memory, Melissa’s eyes grew large as she swatted Amy’s leg underneath the table. Amy, sober and probably sleepy by this point said, “Who was it? Who would do that?”

“It was YOU!” Melissa laughed and laughed as Amy looked mortified.

“YOU??! You were so RUDE!! You don’t seem that rude now!” I laughed and continued on with the story. Melissa pointed out that Amy was drinking back then….All the guys were laughing. Regis continued to pour Rued wine.

Amy was crawfishing and stammering…”You know it’s really hard to relay feelings on Facebook, that’s the problem with Facebook…”

“Oh I understood your feelings alright.” More laughing.

This went on and on. We moved from Rued wine to Earthquake. What were the odds this person would end up at our table? And that I would bring up this specific Facebook post written months ago? Soon I will be 50. I suppose I’ve entered into that period of my life where I am comfortable enough to say what I think. I admit it actually crossed my mind before I brought up the Facebook post, could Amy be the girl that posted that comment? And I thought, Nah, I doubt it. And then I thought, Who care’s?

The night ended well (I think) with no hard feelings and a big howl for everyone. I hope we will see them again, but I don’t know if I will feel comfortable enough to ever sit in her dental chair…

Not with all those pointy instruments…

talya

Musical Pairings:

Mean Girls, Sugarland