Friday morning before sunrise, I found my husband sitting in the dark on the couch, half-naked, in a trance. With the newspaper still unopened, he was totally mesmerized by the television without yet having read the comics, typically his first priority of the day.
What had captured his soul so early?
Me: Oh, you’re watching golf.
John: It’s the Ryder Cup. He spoke without moving his eyes from the television, without blinking. I went back upstairs.
John: I think you should expand your blog and write about sports. Write about the Ryder Cup.
Me: But I don’t know anything about the Ryder Cup.
John: You could research it today, and then write something for this weekend.
…and then he went off into an animated golf hallucination, a long commentary of information specific to the Ryder Cup as I tried to write about Miss Suzy. I listened with one ear, occasionally shaking my head in agreement yeah, uh-huh, maybe, sure…
I believe this topic came up in part due to our conversation the prior night over Tex-Mex at Matt’s.
John: Three is the lucky number for the Rangers. (He seemed excited…)
Me: Are they 3 games back?
John: NO! (He seemed disgusted…. )
I sipped my margarita slowly to avoid a brain freeze yet prepared for the forthcoming brain-freezing explanation.
John: The Rangers’ magic number is 3 to clinch the third straight division crown. We’re heading into a weekend series against the Angels. Only one win and we lock up a playoff berth (or something to that effect). Were his eyes dilated??
Me: Oh. That’s good, right?. But I’ve kinda moved on to football. I thought the World Series was like in August or early September. Is it late this year?
John: (gulping beer…) No, same time. Every year.
Me: Hmmm. Ok.
And then he fell head first into a lesson on the American League and National League. I was SO afraid he would quiz me on which league the Rangers are in, but he didn’t. American League? 50-50 chance right?
I’m sorry, I know baseball is America’s sport, but since Craig Barnett hit me in the head with a fast ball in junior high, cracking teeth and goose-egging my jaw, it’s not my favorite. But I’m glad the Rangers are doing so well, and I really like Ron Washington. I just don’t think the sports should overlap.
‘Tis the season for football.
‘Tis the season for football.
Later in the day, I took his advice and turned my attention to the Ryder Cup. According to the Ryder Cup for Dummies site “it’s the best damn event in sports.” All of sports? Strong statement…
The crowd is allowed to cheer and heckle the players, which I admit sounds more entertaining than the typical, quiet-as-a-funeral golf. The players wear matching uniforms, very cool. And the format is team oriented – I bet Tiger hates that.
Part 2 of my research involved watching the Ryder Cup. Assuming the proper lying-on-the-couch golf-watching-position, I was just in time to see Bubba Watson tee off. With the crowd cheering and laughing, golf seemed almost sporty, more like the NBA players who are forced to shoot free throws through fan ruckus. Still, the comfy leather couch and monotone sports announcers blended with a rare afternoon rain shower, lulling me to sleep. I slept soundly for over two hours.
Heavenly, this Ryder Cup.
talya
P.S. After the weekend, the Rangers’ magic number is now two…and, Europe stunned the U.S. in a wild Ryder Cup comeback.
Musical Pairings:
I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t swallow, the sphincter factor was high. – Hale Irwin, who lost a one-up lead with two holes to play, Ryder Cup 1991
Read more: Ryder Cup quotes
I don’t do the Ryder Cup. I don’t even care. I don’t like baseball either. AND, yesterday I took a break from dumb football. Loved your blog. Very funny!
I’m with BAT! No! Correction: I am a sports fan of NOTHING! Sorry! I do like the atmosphere of an excited crowd the few times I attend a live game or tailgating! I’m real good at nodding and hmmm, uh-huhing, yeah, oh really? Ha
My father used to watch golf the way kids watch cartoons. It was clearly mesmerizing.
To him.
To my and my mother, it was guys in ugly pants walking on manicured lawns and occasionally whacking a ball with a steel stick. Or sometimes a wood stick. And sometimes, a steel stick they CALLED a wood.
Golf is confusing. I played for a while, but I got worse by 4 strokes every time I played. When I broke 100 (in the wrong direction), I put down my clubs and never looked back.
It astounds me that people can watch it on TV.
Maybe if you record it and then play it back at 8x speed.
Football, like cotton, is king 🙂
I wondered why they were being so “rude” – I didn’t think golf people were supposed to be loud. Anyhow, all I know about sports is that they’re good background for naps, kind of like those white noise machines you can buy.
haha…Great read, Talya. Like you, I don’t get into golf, though my Step-Dad and two older sons love it. Watching it on television, to me, is like watching grass grow. I know there is a lot to the game, and if I understood the nuances of it, better, then I would probably get into it more. I’ve tried playing, but my step-Dad, who is very good at golf, tells me that my biggest problem in my golf swing is that I still have a baseball-hitters swing, and I would have to practice, practice, practice my golf swing to get rid of my baseball swing. The last time I tried playing golf, I was with my oldest son. I was a few yards in front of the tee box and looking down at my golf ball with my driver in hand, and trying to concentrate on my proper swing. A couple of golfers came up behind us, and one of them who, apparently, was a golf-purist, announced to me and my son that I needed to move my golf ball back and tee off from the tee box. My son didn’t say anything, and I ignored him as I continued to look down at my golf ball and concentrate on my shot. Apparently, my actions further incensed the young Tiger Woods-wannabe, as he raised his voice, and seemed to announce to the whole golf course of golfers that I was cheating, and I needed to move my golf ball back to take my first shot. I continued to ignore him, that is, until he raised his voice again with a couple of obscenities, and this time, it seemed, to entire golf world and the golf gods looking down on us from their heavenly golf perches. Having had enough, and aggravated and embarrassed, I slowly turned and looked at this know-it-all blowhard square in the eyes, and in a controlled, yet cold and stern voice, I announced to him, “This is my SECOND shot.”…haha…so, No, I don’t get into golf. Baseball is okay (not the same since I was a kid before all the baseball strikes), but college football and basketball are about the only sports I keep up with these days. Also, I remember the day Craig accidentally hit you with the baseball. I was standing there when it happened, and I’ve never felt so helpless to help someone in my life. Having played baseball for many years and being on the wrong end of several baseball throws and hits, I knew it hurt, badly, but you handled it really well. You’re one tough cookie…it would have knocked me smooth out!