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Step away from those peanuts!

March 23, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner 6 Comments

The news reported this morning, “Safeway has agreed to stop selling pink slime in its ground beef but Walmart will give its consumers a choice.” So given an alternative, some people will choose pink slime to save a fifty cents? This was like a Saturday Night Live Weekend Update report.
I admit, the possibility of pink slime gave me pause at lunch this week as I ordered a beef taco. But I ordered it anyway. It hadn’t hurt me yet. At least I didn’t think so.
Like eating raw cookie dough. People now frown on this because of the raw eggs. As kids we ate raw cookie dough and licked sugary spoons anytime we had the opportunity. Licking the chocolate batter from the mixer beaters was the best part of baking a cake for funeral wakes. Luckily there was always a bit left in the bottom of the mixing bowl. And we drank water straight out of the hose all summer long. It was flavored with a hint of rubber and rust, but it was cold and refreshing when we were hot and sweaty from playing in the yard all day.  Apparently that’s bad now too – the hose not the yard. Of course the yard is dangerous if you aren’t slathered in a super high SPF broad-spectrum UVA/UVB sun blocking sunscreen with extra helioplex. 
Our front yard. Site of lots of
dangerous shenanigans.
And we ate peanuts. No one was allergic to peanuts. 
We picked never-organic strawberries straight off the ground at Aunt Virgie’s and ate them without rinsing them off. They were juicy and sweet and delicious, growing like ground cover beside the chicken coop. And how we loved to play in that chicken coop, no doubt surrounded by very organic chicken poop. The worst thing that happened was maybe a sunburn on our shoulders or a splinter from swinging on the poles where the chickens roosted.
Or was it? Maybe all these incredibly dangerous things have affected me. Jumping rope in chicken poop probably made me lactose intolerant? I bet peanuts are making these random hairs grow above my lip! And this warty thingy on my hand is probably from that dang water hose. 

talya

Musical Pairings:

Tim McGraw, “Back When”
Alabama, “High Cotton”

“Ugh! I’ve been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some Iodine!” – Lucy Van Pelt

Filed Under: Humor Tagged With: BAT, Northeast Arkansas

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Comments

  1. Timmie Lynn says

    March 24, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    plus black berries, tomatoes off the vine and apples of the tree…it was sweet growing up in the country…

    Loved this one too…thanks so much. I enjoy taking a step back in time with you.

    Reply
  2. grace grits and gardening says

    March 25, 2012 at 4:06 am

    Thanks for reminiscing with me!

    Reply
  3. Anonymous says

    March 27, 2012 at 1:15 am

    What is “pink slime”? From the very little I’ve read, I understand it is actually beef trimmings that are introduced to an ammonia treatment and combined in the packaged ground beef that we regularly buy at most retail supermarkets. Is it true that the process helps lessen the likelihood of ecoli exposure in the ground beef we consume? Perhaps the main issue is that some guy got away with calling a common ingredient “pink slime”.

    This is making me crave a burger!

    Reply
    • grace grits and gardening says

      March 27, 2012 at 4:49 pm

      I really don’t know but it sure sounds terrible when the media talks about it on the news every single night. You are probably right! A whistle blower is making a name for himself for something that hasn’t hurt us yet.

      Reply
  4. Kaa says

    March 29, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    And don’t forget that we rode our bicycles all day long, every day during summer, and there wasn’t a helmet or kneepad in sight. We climbed trees and jumped on trampolines without a net. And our parents drove down two-lane roads going 75 miles per hour with us jumping up and down, barefoot, on the front seat. Seat belts either hung there, loose, or were permanently snapped closed and shoved into the crack between the seats.

    And we played with lawn darts.

    LAWN. DARTS.

    How did we even survive to be forty-<mumble>? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • grace grits and gardening says

      March 29, 2012 at 12:42 pm

      Yes it’s amazing we survived at all. I have a whole story about not wearing seat belts – lol.

      Reply

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Hi! I'm Talya Tate Boerner. Writer, Reader, Arkansas Master Naturalist / Master Gardener, Author of

THE ACCIDENTAL SALVATION OF GRACIE LEE (2016)

GENE, EVERYWHERE: a life-changing visit from my father-in-law (2020)

BERNICE RUNS AWAY (Now Available!)

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