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Couture for Big Dummies

February 11, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner 7 Comments

I live 5 minutes from the Dallas Arts District. The district is a magnificent collection of venues designed by Pritzker Prize winning architects, with world class art collections, opera, musical performances and sculpture. People travel across the globe to this destination in downtown Dallas. I travel through it quite often on my way to watch the Dallas Mavericks play at the American Airlines Center. It’s an impressive cultural district. My favorite is the annual Dallas Symphony’s Christmas Spectacular. John and I also attended South Pacific at the Winspear Opera House. We chose this particular performance because a) it was not an opera, and, b) my dad allegedly named me after some Polynesian chick in the book South Pacific. I was curious to see if Talya would be included in the cast of characters. Not. I feel just a bit hipper knowing our home is so close to all this culture – in case we want to partake – which we rarely do. But, it’s good for re-sale.  (I hope.)


Yesterday, my mother and I set off to soak up a bit of Dallas culture. Her friend, Carlos, a tour guide at the Dallas Museum of Art (DMA), invited us to attend the current exhibit – The Fashion World of Jean Paul Gaultier, From the Sidewalk to the Catwalk. The exhibit had received rave reviews and was ending soon, so we quickly jumped at the chance to attend. And, with our own tour guide! Prior to this invitation, I really had no desire to see this. I didn’t know much about Gaultier other than he designed those pointy conical boob corset rigs for Madonna during her 1990 Blonde Ambition World Tour. 


I studied up for about five minutes before the tour. According to the DMA website, Gaultier is “unquestionably one of the most important fashion designers in recent decades…. draws inspiration from dance, pop-rock, cinema, television…..eclectic and vibrant sources of inspiration… over 140 haute couture dresses and ready-to-wear pieces made between the early 1970s and 2011.” Well that sounded pretty interesting! Maybe there would be Oscar dresses on display – like the first lady inaugural ball gowns at the Smithsonian? I loved that. So elegant and historical. My favorites were Mamie Eisenhower and Lady Bird Johnson. Hillary – not so much. 
  
What to wear? I felt as if I had to pay particular attention to what I wore as I would be surrounded by high-class fashion. Well that thought was fleeting – I wore jeans, boots and a gray sweater – my typical uniform. It was haute enough for me. The first thing of note when we arrived was the lengthy line of cars waiting to park inside the DMA parking garage. Very strange for a Thursday morning I thought. Was Madonna actually going to be wearing that corset inside?


Making our way inside, the place was jammed packed! Wow. This was impressive! Obviously the economy is improving. Well attended artsy fartsy events are a very dependable good leading indicator. Waaaaay more reliable than the volatile stock market. The Nasdaq fluctuates based on Lloyd Blankfein’s lunch selection. Is someone without grocery money really going to spend twenty bucks to see high fashion, when you can see it for free down the street at Neiman Marcus? I think not. But, of course, Neimans does not have Madonna’s actual bustier, complete with sweat stains.  My consumer outlook was becoming more positive. 

I’m not much on fancy clothing. If I won an oscar I would probably be Sharon Stone-like in a black Gap sweater with maybe a long black taffeta skirt. Slenderizing. In junior high, Anita Ashley and I went to charm school. Our mothers thought this would be an excellent idea. It was on Saturdays for several weeks and the grand finale was a fashion show at a restaurant in Blytheville. We selected a few outfits from some little boutique in town and walked around throughout this restaurant, during lunch discussing our outfits. OMG! This was so outside my comfort zone…  We were charged with simply walking up to tables of lunching ladies to interrupt their meals with, “Excuse me, I’m wearing a Hang Ten Tennis Dress with a silk scarf. My shoes are Tretorn.” Please, God, just let me die in my sleep before I make a fool of myself at the Blytheville fashion show!!! Well, I survived the ordeal, no more or less charming, but recognized I would never walk the catwalk, or be on any stage in any capacity.  All those years performing for Daisy Mae were for naught.

Carlos gave us a a brief synopsis of the exhibit before we began, telling us that the mannequins would be speaking to us. He told us to be sure and listen to what they had to say. Hmmmm. Ok… The first room was the Odyssey, inspired by the sea and religion. Half of the mannequins looked like the evil Inferius who nearly grabbed Harry and Dumbledore while hunting for horcruxes. The others were wearing an odd assortment of sailor inspired navy and white/beige striped outfits – an evening gown on a dude, lots of topless outfits, cage dresses, feathers, toile. They were all horizontal stripes so immediately I knew Gaultier fashion would not be for the normal person. Normal people avoid horizontal stripes. 

The mannequins were as freaky as anything I had ever seen. Very, very realistic – somehow a projection trick. They spoke and blinked and all had terrible teeth. The wax museum folks really needed to get on board with this technology. If I could get my hands on one of these when the exhibit breaks down next week, this would be the perfect addition to my Halloween decoration collection. Must discuss with Carlos…

The Boudoir room was a bit more interesting. Madonna’s corsets were on display along with gowns made of ribbons and satin, most designed to be worn naked underneath, leaving nothing to the imagination. I would have worn one of these, maybe, with a wife beater and tights. There was a lavender velvet pointy conical breasted evening gown that was interesting until I realized a man was wearing it.

The Skin Deep exhibit was designed to represent the red light district in Amsterdam. So there was bondage. And leather. And overall bizarro clothing. There was a mannequin in the corner having a conversation with himself, “Should I wear this or not? Is this appropriate, etc.” Well, I could save him some time – hell NO. It was a dress! Carlos explained to us that Gaultier pushed the limits, challenging societal ways with humor. There were body suits that were actually designed to look like a naked body. So why even bother? Just go naked – be a streaker. Gaultier “clothed nudity with nudity.” My mother just stared at Carlos with her mouth open. When Carlos asked, “Does that make sense?” she blurted out, “NO!” I laughed out loud at my mom, but quickly composed myself. I must hang on. No laughing. It would be like laughing at Graceland. It just was not done. I looked around at all the hundreds of visitors. Did they really get this? I was having a difficult time making the stretch from Gaultier high fashion designs to Gaultier inspired t-shirts at my favorite Target. 

Punk Cancan was the best exhibit in my opinion. There was a catwalk in the center with moving mannequins dressed in evening wear and more traditional clothing – traditional for Gaultier. If I squinted, there were a couple of dresses I could see wearing to Kelsey’s inaugural ball. Maybe. On either side of the catwalk were punk mannequins making fun of the fancy cat walkers. With the exception of the mannequin wearing a hefty bag, tin can bracelet and a steel wool soap pad around his neck, these outfits were the best – they included three camouflage ensembles. I had never been so happy to see camo. I felt like cheering.

The final exhibits included items inspired by outer space (weren’t they all?) and cultures and the environment. By this point, I had checked out. I was becoming a bit delirious. It was couture overload. Especially for me. I was really trying to take it all in, understand it, think outside the planet. My head hurt. I was hungry. There was a body suit on one mannequin in this area with a picture of Jason Kidd in the center. It was supposedly Gaultier but I knew it was really Jason Kidd. I wonder if Jason knew? I doubt any of the Mavs had set foot in this exhibit on their way to practice. 

In all seriousness, Carlos was an excellent tour guide – very knowledgeable. I cannot imagine seeing the exhibit without someone to explain away the overall strangeness. To recap: 

  • The Dallas economy is on the upswing
  • No need to waste one more thought on your wardrobe. There are no rules. Anything goes. 

Afterward, we lunched at The Screen Door which was fantastic. After all that haute couture, I needed to see a normal, everyday screen door – with peeling paint. It was true art.

Thanks Carlos!

talya
(and the BAT)

Note the sticks coming out of the Bat’s head.
Very Gaultier.

Musical Pairings:

Madonna, “Like a Virgin”
Lady GaGa, “Fashion”

Filed Under: Humor Tagged With: BAT, Dallas, Dallas Museum of Art

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Comments

  1. Timmie Lynn says

    February 11, 2012 at 4:29 am

    Loved this Tayla. As usual, I was right there with you as you got your fashion fix and I appreciate the Gaultier shoutout in your lunch photo with the BAT!!! Thank you again for the “feel good”! Gracie’s Mazie

    Reply
  2. Bryanski says

    February 11, 2012 at 4:41 am

    I’m so glad that my opinions on high fashion are shared by at least some women! Thanks.

    Reply
  3. Anonymous says

    February 11, 2012 at 5:06 am

    CAMO– High fashions untapped resource. Love your stories.

    Reply
  4. Sueness says

    February 11, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Once again, I felt like I was right there with you and the BAT…which had I been, I’m sure we would not have been able to act civilized! Loved it!

    Reply
    • grace grits and gardening says

      February 11, 2012 at 8:51 am

      I thought about you several times. We would have been asked to leave.

      Reply
  5. Anonymous says

    February 11, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Hi, Talya, Great blog today. Glad you took your mom to get some culture. So you were happy to see camo huh? I know the feeling. There is on the U of Ozarks (nearby) girls basketball team a wonderful, super smart, 1st team All American, girl. At her game last week all her family and friends from Deer (!) Arkansas showed up. They stayed true to their roots, no faking around with them, and every last one of them had on Camo. I just loved it. They are great country people.. Happy Valentine’s Day Love, Lou Nell

    Reply
    • grace grits and gardening says

      February 11, 2012 at 7:06 pm

      Haha that’s great! Good to hear from you. T.

      Reply

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Hi! I'm Talya Tate Boerner. Writer, Reader, Arkansas Master Naturalist / Master Gardener, Author of

THE ACCIDENTAL SALVATION OF GRACIE LEE (2016)

GENE, EVERYWHERE: a life-changing visit from my father-in-law (2020)

BERNICE RUNS AWAY (Now Available!)

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