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A Rather Rued Evening…

June 19, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

The guys smoked a mountain of food – ribs, sausage, fajitas, chicken – enough for the entire neighborhood. The girls brought sides – slaw, beans, salad, sweet potato fries, guacamole, rice, sautéed onions – enough for the mountain of food. Everyone brought wine – enough for the city. Red,white,Zin,California,Italian. Great night, minimal mosquitoes, clear skies, 4 couples.
1 Arkansas Razorback
1 Baylor Bear
1 Notre Dame Fighing Irish 
1 Navy (goat?) 
1 Oklahoma Sooner 
3 Texas A&M Aggies 
How many Aggies does it take to make a great party??

Nellson & Melissa (Aggies) brought their friends Aaron (Navy) & Amy (Aggie) to this dinner. Amy was Melissa’s college roomie and we had never met before this night. Young, gorgeous, blonde couple, Barbie+Ken. Right off I wanted to hate them but couldn’t. Amy was adorable, about 5 months pregnant with their first child and glowing. She gushed over the food and the house and Aaron doted over her. They were sweet.
I quickly discovered she was a dentist. This was shaping up to be a very productive evening. My current dentist is a creeper and his office staff wears me out with constant cross-selling. Would you like to brighten your teeth with that root canal? Would you like to go ahead and replace every single filling in your head just for fun? Amy told me I have beautiful teeth and her staff is low key. Melissa backed her up. As a bonus, her office is more geographically desirable than Pee Wee’s location. I was sold. Sign me up! Here is my insurance card. Could you just clean my teeth in the kitchen after dessert? I found a new dentist!
It’s amazing how things work out.
The wine flowed, but of course Amy could not partake. Regis brought a wine named Rued (pronounced Rude) and another named Earthquake. These names brought lots of silly jokes and laughs. People are very funny on wine. 

At these neighborhood gatherings, the conversation always turns to college football, no matter the season. Always. There is an ongoing rivalry between John and Nellson, between the Hog and Aggie. For several years a bet is made before the annual game. There is ribbing and joking and hog calling and weird aggie chanting on our block leading up to that exciting perfect fall day. And each year since the bet has been extended, Nellson is the L-O-S-E-R. His punishment – wearing the Hog Hat to a neighborhood event all night. Instead of ever making good on the bet, John and Nellson prefer to ‘double down’. So now Nellson owes several days of hog hat wearing… 
He did dress as John for Halloween last year wearing the Hog Hat and Razorback attire. It didn’t count in my book. It was a costume, and he was having waaaaay too much fun. But he made such a cute Hog.
Melissa as me
Nellson as John
As we discussed the upcoming game in College Station, Nellson remembered last year they were returning from Europe during the afternoon of the game, so they recorded it to enjoy later. His remark reminded me of a Facebook comment I posted to Melissa immediately after the game, not realizing they were recording it – something about Nellson ‘getting’ to wear the hog hat yet another time. Instantly one of her friends responded to my post – THE BURNSES ARE RETURNING FROM EUROPE AND HAVE NOT SEEN THE GAME. DON’T RUIN IT FOR THEM!!!! Wow. Impressive but rude. Melissa and Nellson had their own freakin Facebook police chick??! I quickly took down my post, being neighborly and all, but I was still bitter well into college baseball finals. 
As I resentfully recounted this still fresh memory, Melissa’s eyes grew large as she swatted Amy’s leg underneath the table. Amy, sober and probably sleepy by this point said, “Who was it? Who would do that?” 
“It was YOU!” Melissa laughed and laughed as Amy looked mortified.
“YOU??! You were so RUDE!! You don’t seem that rude now!” I laughed and continued on with the story. Melissa pointed out that Amy was drinking back then….All the guys were laughing. Regis continued to pour Rued wine.
Amy was crawfishing and stammering…”You know it’s really hard to relay feelings on Facebook, that’s the problem with Facebook…”
“Oh I understood your feelings alright.” More laughing.
This went on and on. We moved from Rued wine to Earthquake. What were the odds this person would end up at our table? And that I would bring up this specific Facebook post written months ago? Soon I will be 50. I suppose I’ve entered into that period of my life where I am comfortable enough to say what I think. I admit it actually crossed my mind before I brought up the Facebook post, could Amy be the girl that posted that comment? And I thought, Nah, I doubt it. And then I thought, Who care’s?

The night ended well (I think) with no hard feelings and a big howl for everyone. I hope we will see them again, but I don’t know if I will feel comfortable enough to ever sit in her dental chair…
Not with all those pointy instruments…
talya
Musical Pairings:
Mean Girls, Sugarland

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Dr. Seuss



Mystery of the Old Story

June 18, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Bud, RM & Barbara
In the back of my mind a story percolates. This tale is old, told at a family reunion by my cousins, RM and Bud Johnson, natural storytellers. Stringing words together they can spin a yarn, entertaining a crowd for hours, silencing a group of Johnson cousins who cling to each word. And Johnsons are rarely a quiet bunch.
Johnson boys are/were blessed with the story-teller gene, passed-down from Grandpa Johnson who inherited this talent from his father who fought for the Confederacy at age 13. I bet he had some stories…
Each time I spread out paperwork, family notes, research, pictures, and begin to write a few sentences, something happens to distract me, an act of God or a near neighborhood shootout – a typical Dallas day.
The first interruption – an incredible hail storm that pounded our house and car, taking me away from this story for the rest of the night. The next afternoon at nearly the same time, the next-door neighbor’s house alarm interrupted the stillness like a tornado siren. Initially, I ignored it, engrossed in 1920 with the Johnson ancestors. But I remembered my neighbors were out of town. It probably wasn’t a false alarm. And it was LOUD. 
Trained in the 1970s by Nancy Drew, I abandoned my story and chose to investigate. Circling the house, I studied the front porch for unusual activity and walked up the side drive around to the backyard. I scanned for anything atypical, but only a day after the hellacious hail storm, nothing really seemed normal. The alarm continued to trumpet as Lucy and Annabelle howled next door. The gate leading to the alley was wide open – muddy footprints? A clue. And, there was an open window in back of the house – completely open while the air conditioning ran. Another clue. Peeping inside I felt the cold air rushing out from the kitchen, mixing with the hot muggy backyard air. I considered calling out to the intruder hidden inside, to let him know I was onto him, hot on his trail. What would Nancy do? 

Nancy Drew, wearing a smart cardigan with matching pocketbook, solved secrets of the old clock and clues in the hidden staircase, NOT the mystery of the murderous meth heads…. So I did what any modern-day sleuth would do, I dailed 911. I called for backup.

Six police officers surrounded the house with guns drawn. A very young officer with Hardy Boy-ish good looks immediately took over my case, directing me to step away from the property ma’am, clearly unaware of the summer hours I spent training in River Heights as a teenager. After nearly an hour, Joe Hardy reported the thief had fled, likely due to the alarm noise or perhaps my skillful detective work. Regardless, another night was spent not writing the story I intended to write.
Roswell Mallory Johnson
So here I sit again, staring at a photo of Roswell Mallory Johnson, ready to work on this story. If there is an earthquake or a plague of locusts sent to disrupt me, I will take it as a sign from above, a message that I don’t quite have the facts of this particular Johnson story right, that I’m heading down the wrong path. But maybe those Johnsons could at least give me a chance to finish a first draft…

talya
Musical Pairings:
In Color, Jamey Johnson

“Again time elapsed.”
― Carolyn Keene, The Secret of the Old Clock

the morning after

June 14, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Just after I posted Mother Nature has a wicked sense of humor she pelts our Dallas neighborhood with softball size hail for twenty minutes. Long enough to break car windows, tree limbs, house windows and lights around the garage. My neighbor lost 23 windows…
All those things can be replaced. 
The morning after, our neighborhood looks like a monsoon swept down Worth Street. My car is dented and dinged, the window is shattered and a wiper was tossed across the yard. The morning after, I can’t imagine how people survive devastating tornadoes or hurricanes or tsunamis – losing homes, crops, lives, entire communities.

Mother Nature…

talya

Musical Pairings

Southern Rain, Cowboy Junkies
Have You Ever Seen the Rain, Creedence Clearwater Revival

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Hi! I'm Talya Tate Boerner. Writer, Reader, Arkansas Master Naturalist / Master Gardener, Author of

THE ACCIDENTAL SALVATION OF GRACIE LEE (2016)

GENE, EVERYWHERE: a life-changing visit from my father-in-law (2020)

BERNICE RUNS AWAY (2022)

THE THIRD ACT OF THEO GRUENE (coming 2025)

Recent Ramblings:

  • Sunday Letter: 11.23.25
  • Maggie and Miss Ladybug: My New Children’s Nature Book
  • Sunday Letter: November 9, 2025
  • Sunday Letter: Oct 26, 2025
  • Sunday Letter: Oct 5, 2025

Novels:

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Backyard Phenology:

Children’s Nature Book:

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