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Love Shack baby!

February 14, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Nana was born on Valentine’s Day. How perfect! The day of love and happiness. Growing up, the Valentine’s Day parties in elementary school with the cute little cards and yummy cupcakes were all secondary to Nana’s Valentine’s Day Birthday. We eagerly showered her with homemade cards, candy, a cake and presents – along with an off key rendition of Happy Birthday.

When Nana and Papa Creecy moved to Keiser from the home place, they bought the brick house next door to the Grahams. I thought it was the prettiest house in Keiser. It had a very cool finished-out attic which became our hideout. Staci and I played with our barbies there and listened to music during bunkin’ parties. There was no furniture in the attic, other than an oversized bright yellow wooden rocker. The house must have been built around that rocker – it was there when they bought it. And it was part of the deal when my mother sold it, after they died. The attic stairs were super steep and small – a secret little stairwell – that chair wasn’t going anywhere. The Mystery of the Attic Chair… I’m sure had Nancy Drew known, she would have solved the puzzle. I bet it’s still there.

In junior high, the attic became the site of many, many games of 7 Minutes in Heaven…Keiser,Arkansas-Style. Our version was really more a combination of Spin the Bottle and Thirty Seconds in the Closet. We all sat in a big circle surrounding a coke bottle in the center. We turned the overhead light off – probably because we were too embarrassed to see ourselves. Understandably, this drove Nana crazy. She would flip the switch at the bottom of the stairs and yell up to the attic space, “Taaaaaaaalya!!!” We would all giggle, “Oh sorry!” like we had no idea how that light turned itself off, wait a couple of minutes, and flip the switch again from upstairs. She couldn’t (or wouldn’t) climb those steep stairs, and we knew it. We took turns spinning the bottle, and the person the bottle landed on was the lucky recipient of a few seconds in the attic closet, in the shadows.

We spent lots of weekend nights up there – our little group of friends – Becky, Anita, Trina, Craig, Graham, Judy, Charles M, Timmy and others I’m sure. It was far from heavenly, but it was the closest we had been. It was fun and different and exciting at a time when we were innocent and full of teenage curiosity. No one spoke of what went on after a turn in that closet, but I doubt there are any big secrets. Timmy was always cute and nervous in that dark closet. He was funny, but shy. A turn with Craig was like 7 minutes of Botox. He nearly ate our lips off. Ruth was likely starving him – he was always in trouble with his mom… He definitely would have been punished had she known about Nana’s attic. We each kissed everyone eventually – we didn’t care which boy it landed on. They were all like our brothers… That game of thirty seconds in the closet was our important entre into dating and eventually true love.

I’m sure young teens today have outgrown Spin the Bottle. They are too busy texting and living in an online world.

Norfork Lake

Nana was much like Lucy Ricardo – funny, always laughing and typically into some type of mischief. I think Annabelle the Schnauzer must take after her…She was strong and faithful – at church every time the doors were open. She was loved by all – including all the kids up in the attic. Even though she was sick for much of her life – brain surgery in her 20s, leukemia in her 60s and a terrible headache nearly every day in between, Nana always had a beautiful smile on her face. And something funny to say. She never tried to be funny. She just was. Everyone who came into contact with her was better for it, and I miss her every day. Of course my mother has turned into her, so she isn’t really ever very far away.

I love this quote from Oscar Wilde…”All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That is his.”

Happy Valentine’s Day & Happy Birthday Nana!

xoxo

talya

Musical Pairings:

The B52s, “Love Shack”

Rick Springfield, “Jessie’s Girl”

Jamey Johnson, “In Color”

You can take the girl out of Mississippi County, BUT…….

February 12, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Look Who We Found
After the Game!

Yesterday was devoted to all things Baylor! The Tate girls crossed the Brazos at Waco for some smoking hot Lady Bear basketball. Brittney Griner is truly amazing – she should be the first woman Dallas Maverick – Dirk’s mini-me. She has already perfected his signature fade-away. And she does Barbara Tate’s famous hook shot from back in the day. The Aggies completely forgot to show up capping off a perfect day. It’s always a treat to beat an Aggie in any sport – basketball, football, golf or even a drinking game with the Aggie neighbors! Of course a trip to Baylor would be incomplete without a visit to traditional Waco hot spots.

First lunch at Poppa Rollo’s Pizza – “the best pizza on Earth”. The hamburger, onion and jalapeño pizza would be my death row meal – not that Texas allows a choice anymore. One prisoner recently ruined it for everyone. We chowed down on the perfect pizza while watching The Little Rascals – a Poppa Rollo’s tradition. We cleansed our palates with pre-game Big O’s from George’s – the best beer on Earth. Cold ginormous frosted glasses – 3 Big O’s for only $9!!! It was a virtual time warp. My mother looked positively petite beside her huge beer, but she managed to chug it down without a booster seat. Over at the smoky bar, I could envision my first ex-husband’s fraternity brother drinking down an entire bottle of ketchup (topped off with tabasco). He did it because he could. And we played many electronic bowling games at George’s. It was addictive. It’s a miracle on the Brazos that any of us graduated. It took ketchup boy a long time… Staci and I were rudely jolted back from our memory lane trip by the young cute boy-waiter who called us “Ma’am”. Hmmmmm. What? We aren’t Ma’ams! It was that hideous warty thing on my hand that was giving me away!!! I knew it! Staci was just guilty by association.

And of course – a quick trip inside the Baylor Bookstore was warranted to restock bear wear and face tattoos. My inventory was low. From there, a windy stroll across Waco Creek to the Bear Pit. Waco Creek runs through campus from Eighth Street to Fifth Street. It’s really a neat, semi-natural, Baylor feature although oftentimes it is algae-ridden. It was extra clean today, on this coldest day of winter so far. Naturally, the bears were hibernating – we saw them inside all toasty and piled up together. Baylor has the most adorable mascot of all. Really. You know it’s true. Followed by the lovable hog of course. I don’t even know what an Aggie is.

As I studied the creek, I was reminded of the NoZe Brothers – a Baylor secret society founded in the 1920s as a joke surrounding a certain freshman with a very large nose. His nose was so big a club was formed around it – impressive. They are an irreverent and disrespectful group – extremely popular at Baylor. They poke fun at the Baylor yearbook, newspaper, faculty, student organizations, city of Waco and especially the Southern Baptist Convention. Let’s face it, through the years the NoZe Bros have had no shortage of Baptist Baylor/Waco topics with which to take aim, such as David Koresh and his Davidians, that murdered basketball player, etc. And the Baptists practically ask for it.

The brotherhood’s pranks are legendary. Based on the seriousness of their underground activities combined with the lack of humor of the current administration, they have occasionally been completely banned from campus. Through the years, they have crashed events such as chapel, homecoming and “Sing”. Their pranks have included turning the fountain pink (pink is the signature NoZe color), decorating the Quadrangle with huge NoZe glasses, and disrupting chapel with a donkey and a 4,000 ping pong ball drop. And when the statute of honorable Judge Baylor is wrapped in toilet paper, everyone knowz the NoZe Bros are to blame. But no one knowz who they are.

It is forbidden for a NoZe Brother to reveal his identity to a non-member. The members are always disguised with large fake noses, beards, crazy hats, etc. Each semester, the brotherhood hosts UnRush for non-members to present themselves for possible membership. Acceptance is limited and membership requirements are crazy ridiculous. There are, however, a handful of honorary NoZe Brothers – which are called Ornery Brothers. Dan Rather was Brother CBS Evening NoZe, Billy Graham is Brother Cracker NoZe Graham, and Robert Griffin III is HeismaNoZe Trophy.

When I attended Baylor in the early ’80s, the NoZe Brotherhood was fairly active, semi- banned from campus, but not to be controlled. During my spring sophomore semester, everyone was buzzing about an upcoming NoZe Bros gathering, announced in their underground newspaper – The Rope – which poked fun at the official Baylor newspaper – The Lariat. It was great fun to get your hands on the NoZe prose. A meeting was planned at midnight at the creek- all students were welcome. My roommates and I were pumped – we secured a ‘front row seat’ on the concrete retaining wall. The creek was not very clean, with a few inches of water and leaves in the bottom. Quite a crowd had begun to gather, curious to see what the NoZe Brothers were up to now.

Just past midnight a glow appeared in the tunnel at the end of the creek which snaked underneath campus to the Brazos River. The NoZe Brothers were marching, carrying torches, and chanting something nonsensical. They looked eerily like the KKK walking through that tunnel deep below Baylor, in the dark night. As they approached us, they began their “program”, speaking primarily in NoZe code – blasting the administration for the ridiculous new ugly fountain. I had no idea what they were talking about for most of the “show” but they were absolutely hilarious. Who were these guys? I wonder if I knew any of them? Did I sit beside any of them in my classes?

Suddenly head NoZe Bro walked right up to me, grabbed my hand, and jerked me to my feet and into the creek. OMG were they kidnapping me? If I had to go inside that tunnel I would freak – I just knew there were Brazos River rats in there. They quickly wrapped a cape around my shoulders – like a velvet cape a queen would wear – and placed this big obnoxious crown on my head. I was embarrassed! Then king of the NoZe – I had no idea of his official title – paraded me through the wet creek and announced that I was Miss Middle Class White Trash America. Oh my! How did he know I was from Mississippi County? Really, it was hilarious. I made the most of it, glad no one could see my red face in the glow of the torches. I never came into direct contact with the NoZe Bros again, to my knowledge. Or maybe I married one? Who noZe? They are totally sworn to secrecy.

Later, while working at State Bank – an entirely different kind of brotherhood – we all had nicknames. Maybe it was a natural progression that came from working together so long. My nickname was The Snoot. BecauseIhaveSuchaBigNose. A very NoZe Brother-ish name. And I also wrote an underground bank newspaper – The Snoot Report – available to only a very few and primarily for my own entertainment. The NoZe Bros have always inspired me – since that night in the creek.

I tried to find The Rope yesterday but never saw one.. I bet the Bros are having a heyday with self-ordained Robert Jeffress, pastor of First Baptist Church Dallas. I’m sure Jeffress thinks the NoZe Brotherhood is a cult, along with those pesky Mormans. He provides no shortage of fodder, I’m certain. I wonder if the NoZe Bros need a blogger? I knowz the perfect candidate.

Sic ’em Bears!

The Snoot

Musical Pairings:

Louis Armstrong, “When the Saints Go Marching In”
Marty Robbins, “Cross the Brazos at Waco”
Jake Holmes, “Be a Pepper”

Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!

February 7, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

I wanted to be a cheerleader in the 7th grade. I was skinny and dorky and nervous. BUT, my super cool cousin, Cindy, was the captain. She was a 9th grader. So, maybe I had a chance – nepotism and all. She graciously took me under her wing, and attempted to teach me a cheer for tryouts. We could do any cheer we wanted which was pretty neat. Cindy had a whole repertoire from which to select. I was a cheerleader moron – a blank slate.

Cindy selected a cheer and helped me master it, paying special attention to my floppy arms and overall gawkiness. We worked on it in the front yard during the summer before tryouts. I remember it very well.

Tic-Toc, It’s Time to Rock
Let’s Have a Vic-to-ry!
Tic-Toc, The Game is Locked,
And the Jackets, (clap-clap) Have the Key.

SERIOUSLY?

Clearly, she did not want me on the squad. Not the coolest cheer in the ole cheer book. Of course this was the 70s.

Marcia

My sister and I loved to spend the night with Mam-maw Ruby and Papa Homer when Cindy was there. Cindy was our leader. Our inspiration. She wore Cover Girl makeup – lots of it – and removed it with Noxema. We weren’t allowed. She looked like those models on Teen Magazine. She even did some modeling in Memphis. How could we EVER compete with this? For a period of time, she even spelled her name Cindi – with an ‘i’. She was that kind of girl. She could just change her own name, and everyone went right along with it. She knew just how to apply that tanning lotion – QT. I tried to do it one time but my hands turned completely rusted and my legs looked corroded. She was bronze. I couldn’t leave the house for a week. My dad thought she freaking hung the moon. So did we.

Tryouts made me very nervous. I was sure I wouldn’t make the squad – I wore gold wire rim glasses! How can you cheer in glasses? I was Jan Brady. Cindy, of course, was Marcia. Most definitely. She had straight, long, shiny, brown hair that swung across her back as she walked around the Keiser playground. Just like Marcia. AND, her boyfriend was James Parks – ohsweetjesus. If he even looked in my direction I stuttered. He too was in the 9th grade. AND, he was the big brother of my best friend. So, I got to look at him a lot. Marcia had Davy Jones; Cindy had James Parks, and I had glasses. Like Jan.

Jan

Cindy worked and worked with me on the splits – it was part of the tryout test. There was no way I could do the splits. Not even close. How could I possibly be a cheerleader and not do the splits? My legs didn’t work that way. She gave me homework – stretching exercises which I did religiously, on my own time. Staci, my little sister who also was uncool – tried to help. She stood over me and pushed my shoulders down, trying to force me into the splits. Surprisingly, to my knowledge, I didn’t rupture anything. I rubbed vaseline into my knees, trying to limber them up (my own idea). No luck. Cindy was as nimble as Raggedy Ann. She could actually sit on the floor Indian style and put her feet around her head! She invented the flowering lotus pose before yoga was invented. We were first cousins! Why couldn’t I do that?

When the time came for tryouts, I took my glasses off and handed them to Cindy. a) I didn’t want to be a four-eyes; and b) I didn’t want to be able to see anyone in the stands, especially Mrs. Ashley who selected the team. The team needed a blind cheerleader – I was sure of it. I couldn’t see a thing without my glasses. I squinted the entire time. Attractive.

Amazingly, I did make the squad. Maybe everyone made it? I don’t remember, and I didn’t know because I couldn’t see. I was too cool now for glasses. Thanks to Cindy, I’m certain.

James Parks

Later, in 1977, the year I turned Sweet 16, I actually had my first date – with James Parks. Still the most handsome boy in Keiser, somehow Becky and I finagled a double date with James and his best friend, Lance. They took us to the Osceola drive-in theatre, across from the graveyard. The movie was Walking Tall, but I couldn’t concentrate on it. I was too aware of James sitting so close to me in that dark back seat of Lance’s dusty car. I had no idea how I had gotten so lucky to be on my first date with James Parks! I was pretty sure being a cheerleader helped. James played football. Later, we learned Becky’s dad tradedhis best hunting dog to Lance to entice him into this date. Nice. I still have no idea what my daddy promised to James, but I would have given my eye teeth and sold my soul to truly get his attention. Of course, I was just his little sister’s annoying friend and he never gave me a second thought. I don’t even think he knew I was there. I’m sure he was still thinking about Cindy.

I actually saw James Parks a few weeks ago on his way to a funeral, and he asked me about Cindy. I KNEW he was still thinking about her.

jan

Musical Pairings:

Ella Fitzgerald, “Blue Moon”

Johnny Rodriguez, “Ridin’ My Thumb to Mexico”