A few weeks ago I blogged about Ashlie Tolliver Wilson, a girl who lives in Northeast Arkansas near my childhood home. Ashlie is a day by day recovering meth addict who documents her journey on Facebook. If you missed the original blog post, you can read it HERE.

For six years Ashlie lived the life of a meth addict, hiding from herself and numbing her pain. She also wrote poetry during that time. Writing is great therapy and likely played a role in her recent fight for recovery. Ashlie wrote most of her poetry from a very dark place—she was either high or coming down. Her feelings directed her words, and her poems are beautifully haunting and dark.

Ashlie wrote the following poem on November 5, 2013. On that day she was 59 days clean. Her sober poems are beautiful too.

Overcoming

When I close my eyes

and shut out the pain,

my soul turns inward.

Trying to be perfect,

trying to be right,

I must fight these demons

that come for me.

I am not ready,

yet I must be strong, 

determined,

steady in a battle I can’t win.

The enemy is myself,

my demons of sin.

I know I need help

but who can I trust?

Bound by chains of shame

which cannot rust,

I have tried everything

yet nothing has worked.

Do I give up?

Let go of the stress.

Let go of the hurt.

Lose myself to sin 

and darkness.

Or do I rise and fight

for what I know is right?

Either way is difficult

yet I recognize my path

to a better world.

I’ll try my best

to win this war

and pass the test.

Although my life has just begun

this is my last chance.

A rising sun spreads

rays of hope over

my dark, cold world.

I am reborn.

My wings unfurl.

I soar above the pain

with nothing to lose.

Everything to gain. 

 

Grace Grits and Gardening

P.S. Today Ashlie is 137 days clean. Go girl!

“The test we must set for ourselves is not to march alone but to march in such a way that others will wish to join us.”
― Hubert Humphrey