grace grits and gardening

ramblings from an arkansas farm girl

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Shopping Day

By

I went to Northpark Mall in search of the perfect pair of jeans. My hairdresser Denise, who by her very profession is way hipper than I, told me of a place where they can size you up the moment you walk into the store. You will go home with the perfect pair of jeans, she said.

I should have never stepped foot inside.

My little voice, the one that’s always spot-on-right, warned me the moment I looked inside. The glare from jewel-encrusted jeans and size zero tank tops and t-shirts hurt my eyes. Row and rows and rows of bling-ed up clothing were crammed so tightly in the tiny shop, I could barely walk between the aisles. The pounding music, heavy on the base, nearly shook the racks of gaudy jewelry.

Clothing.Sensory.Overload.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad shopping day.

I wanted to move to Australia.

“What’s your jean style?” asked petite saleschild channeling Victoria Beckham at age 19.
“It might be easier for me to explain what isn’t my style. I don’t like bling or skinny or low-rise or weird stitching.”
“We have one style of mid-rise without any bling.” She pulled a bejeweled-pocketed pair from a stack nearby. “I know these are too busy for you, but can you try these on for fit before I bombard you with choices?”
Surprisingly, the jeans fit but the shredded fabric, bright white stitching everywhere, and crazy pockets were distracting. 
“How are they?”
“The fit is good, but I’d rather try the other ones, the ones without the bling…”
“Well, we don’t have this jean in any other style right now. But you could look on-line.”
Bombard me with what choices??? Waste of time…
“Oh we do have this same jean in a short. Are you wearing shorts yet this season?” She flipped out a pair of teeny weeny shorts no longer than the back pockets. I snorted.
“No I’m not wearing shorts yet this season.” I left my Daisy Dukes at the farm in 1979. 
“We do have one pair of high-rise jeans if you’d like to try them?” 
“High rise? I don’t wear high rise.” Do I?  Just then her co-worker suggested some other brand which would be perfect for me. Mid-rise and boring.
Fit.Like.A.Sausage.

I can't wear jeans that fit like a sausage!

I felt every one of my fifty-and-a-half years plus some.

I wanted to apparate straight from this dressing room to The Gap where I was considered Long and Lean before Long and Lean was discontinued…

Some days are just like this. Even in Australia.

talya

Grace Grits and Gardening
Farm. Food. Garden. Life.

Musical Pairing:

Lady Gaga, Born This Way

“I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while the water was running and I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day….Some days are like that. Even in Australia.”
― Judith Viorst, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

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Comments

  1. Loved this. I hope I can still find my 16 petite! Wish I was in Australia this morning too. theBAT

  5. haha…the things these trendy clothing stores do to sell pants, these days! There’s a clothing store at the mall in Franklin that reminds me a lot of the store you’ve described. Talk about feeling out of my element…haha…Also, the one and only time I bought GAP jeans, they lived up to their label name. My fairly new GAP jeans GAPPED up the back side (booty side) as I sat down in the car to go to my youngest son’s pee wee basketball game. I had no idea my pants had ripped until I got to the game, walked through the semi-crowded gym and up the bleachers to the top row where a lady friend, pee wee basketball Mom, and co-worker of my wife was sitting. My wife sat down beside her and as I maneuvered in front of them to sit down beside my wife, I heard an OMG and LOL.=)

  6. Hate shopping days like that and avoid those kind of stores like the plague. The crazy music makes me insane. It’s a really good day when you can find jeans or whatever that fit and make you feel good. You have great style, keep up the hunt@

  7. I feel your pain! Only from the short & curvy side! Maurice’s is my best friend! Your post made me LOL! Visiting from the linky party at AWB!

  8. I found Old Navy Diva Jeans and oh my lord they changed me – I just can’t see myself wearing/buying shredded, blinged out, $500 jeans. Jeans are my yoga pants – that I wear every single day and by gosh they better fit and be comfortable. Have you tried Not Your Daughters Jeans? A LOT of people love those. And yes, sales people who don’t know how to deal with middle aged women drive me nuts.

  9. I seriously don’t get the need for bling on the butt of pants. Maybe it’s the fact that I sit down in a wheelchair but really, why is that necessary? Thanks for the good laugh and I hope you found a better shopping experience elsewhere.

  10. I’m right there with you! A friend was trying to get me to buy “Miss Me” jeans. My kids have too much orthodontic work for that. I wear Old Navy jeans from their $19 sale.

  12. I feel the same way about shopping for jeans. I’m not into all that bling-ed out, weird stitching, low rise look. Why did mom jeans have to go out of style?

  14. ugh. I’m JUST 50 and haven’t gone clothing shopping in years; having kids and being a SAHM I need little more than to order the bland from Land’s End. What a torturous day you had!

Food. Farm. Garden. Life.

THANKS FOR READING!