I do not like to shop for clothes. Books, plants, vintage china, yes. Clothes or shoes, no. But sometimes a girl needs a new pair of jeans. My favorite pair of jeans—the jeans I can buy without trying on—are Long and Lean from The Gap. Not because I’m long or lean—in fact I’m becoming shorter and fatter every day. They just fit. Years ago, Oprah turned me on to them, devoting a show to these jeans that fit like a glove. The jeans every woman could wear…
The mall in Fayetteville is so less stressful than Northpark in Dallas. There is no traffic jam on Central Expressway or fighting for parking. In fact, pulling into a parking spot near the front door, I wondered if it was a national holiday.
Inside the mall, three people. All walkers, zero shoppers. (In contrast, the Barnes & Noble across the highway looked packed—my kind of city.)
Inside The Gap—two attentive retail workers all to myself.
Me: I need Long and Lean Jeans.
Retail Man: They’ve been discontinued.
Me: Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
Retail Man: (silent)
Me: DISCONTINUED???? Why?
Retail Man: I’m not sure but there is a new jean basically the same. (way too cheerful)
Me: I doubt it.
Retail Man: You’ll probably like it better – It’s a bit skinnier through the thigh. Like this is a good thing??? (I saw him automatically glance at my fat thighs…)
Me: Oh great.
Retail Man: They’ve been discontinued.
Me: Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
Retail Man: (silent)
Me: DISCONTINUED???? Why?
Retail Man: I’m not sure but there is a new jean basically the same. (way too cheerful)
Me: I doubt it.
Retail Man: You’ll probably like it better – It’s a bit skinnier through the thigh. Like this is a good thing??? (I saw him automatically glance at my fat thighs…)
Me: Oh great.
Why does this always happen?? When you find something you love, something you can depend on—the perfect lipstick shade, the perfect fitting jeans, the perfect salad at ‘On The Border’— the retail powers wipe it off the face of the earth. Or remove it from the menu.
There was one sad little shelf of leftover Long and Leans, stacked in the corner by the socks, already picked through like the good stuff at a garage sale. Of course there were plenty of the odd yellow-ish vomit colored Long and Leans…
I bought the only two pairs in my size (denim wash not vomit color). But one pair was Tall – made for Amazon women, six inches taller than my 5′ nearly 8″ frame. I bought them anyway…
I wonder if Oprah knows about this travesty?
talya
p.s. I did NOT like the “new-basically-the-same-a-bit-skinnier-in-the-thigh-jean”… Not one bit.
Musical Pairing:
