Archives for September 2012

A Ticket in Atoka

September 7, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Atoka, Oklahoma
Population 3,250

Driving through eastern Oklahoma where the wind comes whippin’ down the plains is a whippin’. JustPlainBoring. You gotta be from there to love it. Carrie Underwood and those devoted OU Sooners call the Cherokee nation heavenly, but I have to use my imagination.

The drive is an unofficial tollroad for Razorback fans consisting of speed trap towns strung together just close enough that I don’t fall asleep behind the wheel. As I blink entering the outskirts of these tiny Oklahoma towns, the speed limit rapidly decreases from 75 to 45 within half the distance of a football field. Identifying the ‘outskirts’ is tricky too. It all looks the same.

Between these speed traps, when the road is bare and nondescript without even tumbleweeds to break the monotony, there are miles and miles of orange highway department cones. Alleged highway construction. Fines quadruple in work zones…

In the 1800s, this route was part of the Butterfield Overland Stage Road for mail delivery. I can easily imagine buffalo grazing and cowboys riding through the prairie grass. I entertain myself attempting to pronounce the wild-indian-named towns such as Poteau and Chocotah and Tahlequah. I look for the Eufaula prison trash gang – I have fond memories of the lunch we shared together once upon a time.

I stay alert by watching for escaped prisoners-turned-hitchhikers around the Oklahoma State Penitentiary at McAlester. And the next Choctaw Casino headliner is always big news. Rick Springfield on 09-13.

I try not to speed. I am very aware. However, a few miles on the other side of Atoka, blue lights behind me. Some sucker is getting stopped. Some sucker will be paying a toll.

I was that sucker. I got a ticket in Atoka. Oh the alliteration.

Deputy Fife – How are you today?

Me – Great! And you?

Lucy and Annabelle – Whining loudly in back.

Deputy Fife – Do you know why I stopped you?

Me – No sir. Really I didn’t.

Deputy Fife – I stopped you because you were going 69 in a 55 back before Atoka.

Me – Really? I know I slowed down to 45 by the time I was driving through – I looked at my speedometer.

Deputy Fife – Not soon enough. I followed you doing 69 for miles.

Me – Miles? Did you say miles? There are no miles in Atoka….! From one end to the other might be a half mile…..! (I only thought this. I didn’t actually say any of this. I still thought I might charm my way out of a ticket. Silly me.)

Lucy and Annabelle – Howling loudly in back.

Deputy Fife – Are you heading back home to Texas?

Me – Yes, sir. Still smiling.

Deputy Fife – Do you have a clean driving record?

Me – Yes sir. I handed over my insurance and driver’s license. He went to his car while I re-thought my driving outfit. Not nearly charming enough…

Lucy and Annabelle – Vicious.

Barney came back and explained how he would do me a favor and defer my ticket. For a mere $160 he wouldn’t report it to the State of Oklahoma nor to my insurance. Atoka gets to keep the entire ‘toll’ rather than sending a cut to the state…

Of course I’m glad it won’t be reported to my insurance, but this whole “here’s what I’m gonna do for you little lady” thing rubbed me wrong. This was a modern day Atoka stagecoach robbery! Barney rightfully assumes no one wants to spend $50 in gasoline to make the fabulous drive back to Atoka to dispute a $160 ticket. Who wants to spend the day at the Atoka courthouse?

Me! I have nothing better to do on October 3. Anyone want to join me for lunch in Atoka? It’s a lovely drive this time of year. If there were any trees, the leaves would be changing.

talya

Musical Pairings:

A donkey ride through hell. – Constance Snodgrass Donels

Jessie’s Girl – Rick Springfield

Undo It – Carrie Underwood

The Calm, the Storm and the Wolverine

September 6, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Leaving Fayetteville yesterday morning, a cloud burst over me. The rain pelted down hard enough to wash the sticky tree sap and smeared travel bugs from my windshield. At the same time, the sun flooded in from the East. A sunshower. The devil was beating his wife. Who did the devil marry? I’m not sure I ever learned this in Sunday School.

Behind me, an amazing double rainbow. Beyond the interstate, in the lowest point of the valley, the rainbow seemed to end at an old white barn, the blurry colors filtered around the roof. I always knew barns were special. I wondered if there was a pot of gold inside?

For a split second I thought about chasing the rainbow, trying to drive down the mountainside. Instead, I veered off at the next exit to snap a quick picture. This slight break in the drive was enough to upset Lucy and Annabelle. They thought we were already back in Dallas. Even so, the disruption was worth the stop.

Back on the road toward Fort Smith, Annabelle was extremely restless, whining and trembling. At this rate, a long drive home. Clearly, she wanted to see that pot of gold.

I was still thinking about that rainbow, feeling a bit sad to leave Arkansas. Was it a sign we were driving in the wrong direction? No time to wallow in this nostalgia. The moment we drove into Oklahoma, Annabelle projectile vomited from her backseat crate onto my arm, the floor board and the bottom of her crate cushion. Linda-Blair-head-spinning-chunky-dog-puke.

Pawn Shop, Vian, Ok

Suddenly I found myself in Vian, Oklahoma, in an empty parking lot wedged between Big Pawn (We Buy Gold) and ShortStop (Home of the Bar-b–que Train). One ironic, both sketchy. Directly across the highway, the Vian High School Marching Wolverine Band held an early morning practice. With only about twenty-five band members, the music sounded surprisingly decent. I love a good marching band and easily recognized Proud Mary. Singing along I cleaned dog puke from every crease and crevice of myself and my car with a dry Wet One. Annabelle appeared tired and weak. Lucy was simply embarrassed.

During this Oklahoma out-of-body experience, I realized…. I already have my pot of gold.

And I also thought…. I have no earthly idea what a Wolverine is.

talya

Musical Pairings:

Proud Mary – Creedence Clearwater Revival

Have You Ever Seen the Rain? – Creedence Clearwater Revival

The wolverine, pronounced /ˈwʊlvəriːn/, Gulo gulo (Gulo is Latin for “glutton”), also referred to as glutton, carcajou, skunk bear, or quickhatch, is the largest land-dwelling species of the family Mustelidae. (Wikipedia)

clear as mud….

Morning Dew

September 5, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Lucy and Annabelle

How can two kids be so different? Raised in the same household. Same bloodline… Must be the birth order thing.

Lucy

Lucy, the oldest, is thoughtful, reflective, serious, stubborn. She wants what she wants.

Annabelle is happy go lucky, waking each day in a new bright shiny world. She’s energetic, goofy, still a puppy.

Annabelle

Together they are spoiled rotten (my fault) with too much energy (they came that way). I need a dog whisperer.

Fayetteville is the perfect place for them…a grassy back yard with easy access, large enough to run and play and chase each other. This week, however, each morning we awake to a heavy dew, hanging on to each blade like drops of mercury, glistening. The grass is coated until lunchtime, turning the dogs into muddy piglets who trounce on the bed with no warning. I have washed the linens three times this week.

I’m slow, but I’ve finally learned my lesson. This morning at sunrise we went on a long walk to avoid the wet back yard. The sunrise over Mt. Sequoyah was glorious and would have been quite peaceful if the dogs weren’t with me. Annabelle strains on the leash pulling my shoulder out of joint. She has the strength of a Siberian Husky and will be pulling me in a sleigh through the Ozark Mountains this winter. Lucy reluctantly drags behind us on her haunches like a mule. We lug her along with sparks nearly flying from beneath her paws as they scrape on the sidewalk. We look ridiculous.

Annabelle is Tigger, bouncy trouncy flouncy pouncy, fun! fun! fun! fun! fun! Lucy is Eeyore, plodding and sniffing, willfully going at her own pace. Together they stretch my arms in opposite directions. And my arm with shingles is screaming!

Finally back home I ignore their constant badgering for an hour until I give up and give in. If only I could sit them in front of the flat screen with Dora the Explorer…

They manage to stay off the wet lawn, by entertaining themselves behind the garage. I know this is bad. I will pay later, but cherish this time with my computer and coffee.

Mistake.

Annabelle is chewing on something. A toy, a ball? Of course not. She has unearthed an otherworldly root the size of a softball, a cross between a yellow onion and a turnip, soured and nasty. Possibly the most vile smelling funk I have ever whiffed.