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The Horror Within

August 17, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner 8 Comments

For about 5 minutes this morning, I wasn’t sure what my next blog post would be. Dreaded Writer’s Block…? What if I never had another inspired thought? 

Still half asleep, I contemplated this terrible notion while plodding downstairs to let the dogs out. But ideas reveal themselves. There in my kitchen, lit only by the glow of breaking dawn, swarmed my next story. Delivered straight from Mystery Science Theater. 

It was too early for a Miller Lite.


While I slept my home had become freakishly overtaken by HUGE flies.  Flies the size of bumble bees. They congregated in my kitchen window and crawled underneath the partially lowered window shade, their silhouettes exaggerated like large hairy spiders. It was waaaaaay too early for such a bizarre scene.

I know what you are thinking. And NO, my house is clean. I’m a bit of a clean freak. The opposite of a hoarder. There was nothing immediately obvious to attract these alien flies. No dirty dishes, no smelly trash, no decaying bodies. 

Horror is often unexplained.

Big as a penny flies!
I swatted twenty-two flies in the kitchen before downing my first cup of not-strong-enough black coffee. Nine more latched on to the back door glass. What brought this about?? 

A Dallas City Hall mosquito-spraying experiment gone bad? The beginning of the Rapture? Amityville?

Halloween is a huge deal in Munger Place – the entire neighborhood goes overboard with decorations and parties and candy, setting aside grocery money for the occasion. Had the flies attacked two months from now, I would have embraced these otherworldly and free  decorations… But not mid-August.

I eliminated as many as I could and went to yoga class to namaste it away. Just breathe….

Upon my return, the monsters had multiplied like a sick virus, covering every downstairs window. Kitchen, Living Room, Dining Room, Stair Landing. My life had evolved into a 1960’s sci-fi movie, a cross between The Birds and The Fly. 

For an hour I swatted the windows, splattering these huge flies, leaving blurry bacteria smears on the glass and dead carcasses on the floor. They were oddly slow moving, I killed two and three at a time. After washing every window with a vinegar cleaner and vacuuming up the casualties, I was panicked to discover the first window I eradicated was completely possessed again.

Meanwhile, this entire horror episode did not set well with sweet, sensitive Annabelle. She was traumatized and trembling, disturbed by the noisy fly swatter and my near hysteria. She went outside and only reluctantly came back. To pack her bag. I think she’s moving.

Dogs are smart.

talya

Musical Pairings:

The Birds – Final Attack Sequence with Full Symphonic Score

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly, 

I don’t know why she swallowed a fly,

Perhaps she’ll die.



p.s. I have no solution…. after researching I believe these cluster flies. 

Filed Under: Pets Tagged With: humor, Munger Place, Schnauzer

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Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    August 17, 2012 at 6:30 am

    I have had flies like that a few times but not that badly. They hatch out in the house, but who knows from what. Birds are about to carry off my place. I bet I have hundreds in my yard every day. Now that I have said that, there is not a single one out this morning. It is cloudy, maybe rain is coming. Talya’s Mom

    Reply
  2. Anonymous says

    August 17, 2012 at 8:31 am

    And on the note of the aerial spraying last night, I’m trying to figure out why many cars in the M Streets had tarps over them this morning. I didn’t see this, but a colleague did on her way to the vet’s office on Richmond Ave. Why would you cover your car from the “fine mist” of bee and butterfly death delivery? Mystifying!

    Reply
    • TateFarmGirl says

      August 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

      I noticed a fine mist covering my wonderful rent car this morning. Since it’s black, it’s obvious. Maybe that’s the reason?

      Reply
  3. Colene says

    August 17, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Several of my friends have had bats in their homes this summer. I’ll take flies over bats any day! Pesticides do have corrosive elements so maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to cover the cars.

    Reply
    • TateFarmGirl says

      August 17, 2012 at 12:47 pm

      My mother would like the bats.

      Reply
  4. pittypatter says

    August 18, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Eeeeooooow! Aliens in fly-clothing!! Deported to their great beyond–
    wherever that is. Wonder if they later revived? Did they give themselves up for an afterlife reward of some kind–maybe seven sips of spidery steak juice? Maybe their leader got the message: STAY AWAY from THAT HOUSE!! That lady’s an anti-fly monster!

    Reply
  5. Anonymous says

    August 18, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    Ohhhh my good Lord – so funny (as I can just imagine you buzzing around with your swatter!) but ohhhh soooo bizarre!!! I had an immediate urge to scratch imaginary itches! So weird, huh? I think I’d gone back to bed and pulled the covers up high and stayed a few days! ๐Ÿ™‚ Talya’s cousin, Cindy

    Reply
  6. TateFarmGirl says

    August 19, 2012 at 3:18 am

    As an update, I think, knock-on-wood, the flies are disappearing. Where are they going? I do not know. But this is a good thing.

    Reply

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Talya Tate Boerner


Hi! I'm Talya. Writer, Reader, Arkansas Master Naturalist / Master Gardener, Author of

THE ACCIDENTAL SALVATION OF GRACIE LEE (2016)

GENE, EVERYWHERE: a life-changing visit from my father-in-law (2020)

BERNICE RUNS AWAY (Now Available!)

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Talya Tate Boerner books
Gene, Everywhere

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