I enjoying spending an occasional afternoon wandering around flea markets and estate sales, looking for some old hidden antique. But I hate having a garage sale and trying to peddle my own junk. I’d like to pretend my time is worth more than the $200 I might earn in dollar bills and quarters. Even in my current happily unemployed state, I could be doing something more productive like scrubbing my toilets or weeding the flower beds. Nevertheless, every ten years like clockwork a moment of temporary insanity comes over me like strep throat, and I succumb.
Last weekend my neighbor had a sale complete with two porcelain toilets, a snowboard and the requisite two ton treadmill. In preparation, she posted pictures on Facebook and friends asked 1) if it was debris from the recent Dallas tornadoes, 2) if she was a hoarder, or 3) if she had kicked her husband and his stuff out onto the lawn. Her husband responded with, “Does someone have a stick? Would someone please poke me in the eye.” He hates garage sales too. It’s funny how one day you are happily living with those objects in your house and the next morning before sunrise you’ve thrown the mess outside like dirty dish water. Those faded t-shirts that you were wearing just last week look so different strewn around the front yard with strangers rummaging through them, don’t they?
Last year John and I had a garage sale along with several families on our block. John disappeared for thirty minutes and returned with a set of bowling pins and a heavy meat grinder he bought from our next door neighbors. Really? This totally defeated the purpose. Why didn’t we all just swap our crap around the neighborhood at the next porch party without exchanging money? Or how about “I’ll give you one of my dollars for those books and you give me one of your dollars for my old towels?” Deal!
The next time John shoots a deer, I will be able to grind up meat and make deer sausage for the neighbors. If you know anything about John, you know we are much more likely to buy a bowling alley.
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| John’s meat grinder. |
talya
Musical Pairings:
Sammy Kershaw, “Yard Sale”
Paul McCartney, “Junk”
Very funny. Has John ground up any meat yet? I too hate yard sales, but I think about having one every once in awhile. I am only in an apartment in Texas, and I have been wanting to have a “hall sale”, instead of a yard sale. Do you think that would work? Let me know when John buys that bowling alley. Talya’s mother
The meat grinder has been living in the garage since he bought it. I’m sure it will stay there until our next garage sale.
I would rather gather all my stuff into a big pile and then attack it with a flame-thrower than have a yard sale. At the very bottom on my list of Things To Do Ever is a yard sale. The thought of arguing over 25 cents when someone is getting a $300 piece of equipment for $5 makes me want to go up a tower with an assault rifle. 🙂
I totally agree.
That is soooo totally hilarious, Talya! And whoever Kaa is – she is responsible for me spewing coffee all over myself and my laptop! (But it was soooo worth it for the laugh!) Talya, I love the occasional yard sale, flea markets, estate sales, and antique stores! Wish we lived closer! When you move to Arkansas we have to make a date to do the Hwy 64 yard sale. Once a year, from east to west – Hwy 64 has a massive yard sale all the way across the state! And there’s lots of bowling alleys along that route we could check out for John! 🙂 courtneysmum