Archives for March 2012

Sushi and the Dreaded Freshman 15?

March 7, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Everyone should be fortunate enough to experience dorm living. It’s a invaluable rite of passage into college life and adulthood during an important time of personal growth. You learn about yourself sharing 250 square feet with a total stranger, who may or may not be crazy. And you’ll make lifelong friends. Ok so far this is sounding very Dr. Seuss-ish, “and will you succeed, yes you will indeed, 98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed…” But it’s true.

I spent my first college semester at Arkansas State, when they were the politically incorrect Indians. Now the mascot has been changed to Red Wolves, which I choose to ignore. Why are people so sensitive? My roommate and I had a great time at ASU, going to football games and parties and sharing clothes. We made many, many late night Taco Bell runs for tostadas. We were absolutely addicted to tostadas.

At mid-term, I transferred to Baylor knowing only two people, my boyfriend and his brother. I had no girlfriends, and no late night Taco Bell runs, so it was an adjustment. My first roomie was a wacky sorority beee-atch named Candy from San Antonio. She hated me right out of the gate because a) she had been trying to move one of her big haired, tanned sorority sisters into her room, and b) she thought all people from Arkansas were as dumb as root vegetables. Each afternoon she whipped up some knockoff version of lemon icebox pie in our tiny dorm room, stirring it with her finger, as she had no utensils. She proudly gave these pies to all the unsuspecting little pledges. I may have been a small-town country chick from Arkansas, but I knew how to use forks and spoons, I knew about germs and food poisoning, and I knew how to make a real lemon icebox pie -with freshly squeezed lemons, not that fake stuff in the green bottle. I also knew right then and there, as she stirred that pie filling with her unpolished finger, that I would never belong in a sorority. Candy and I parted ways soon enough, and I went on to make great friends who used eating utensils, for the most part.

Dorm living has changed a bit since the early 1980s. As we moved Kelsey into her dorm room at the enormous University of Texas, where dorms actually have individual zip codes, we noted all the girls had hot pink matching bedding and carpets and beaded curtains with adorable matchy-matchy everything and storage bins and shoe racks from The Container Store. Each girl room was instantaneously transformed from cinder block to barbie dream house. The guys wheeled in 42-inch flat screen LCD Sonys, Playstation gaming systems and huge Alienware desktop computers with boxes full of cords. Each boy room was expensively transformed into Best Buy. Did they attend class via Wii? At Baylor, our electronics were limited to the console television in the common room where we all gathered each afternoon at 2:00 without fail to watch General Hospital. Luke and Laura were hooking up. There was no campus food court. In Kelsey’s dorm, there was a sushi bar downstairs. The sushi-dorm room combo is just inherently wrong. Everyone knows freshmen eat pizza.

Now Tate is a freshman at the University of Arkansas living at Maple Hill South. It’s relatively new and very nice per dorm room guidelines. He moved in with his graduation gift flatscreen, huge computer, suitcase of clothes and 3 pairs of shoes. Within one weeks’ time, he decided all Texas students were grouped together at Maple Hill. Is this true? Are the Texas students segregated? Maybe Arkansas folks think Texas people are snooty, like Candy thought I had no shoes and dated my cousins?

Maple Hill South
UofA
Elevator Sign

We visited Tate last weekend. His dorm room wasn’t as messy as I expected. There were four Glade Air Fresheners in that tiny space, so it didn’t stink. There were a couple of interesting signs posted in the common area, the first beside the elevator – “do not push elevator buttons with you feet or spit in the elevator.” Really? But the buttons are shoulder height. Tate clarified, “Yeah, people are always pushing the buttons with their feet.” And spitting in the elevator? Who does this? Texan Razorbacks apparently.

UofA Pet Policy

And evidently someone smuggled in their pet piranha along with their XBox one year? Or a squirrel? Or a pet mallard duck? Of course it is Arkansas. Pig Soooie!

talya

Musical Pairings:
Green Day, “Time of Your Life”

Otter: Flounder, I am appointing you pledge representative to the social committee.
Flounder: Gee Otter, thanks. What do I have to do?
Otter: It means you have to drive us to the Food King.

(Animal House)

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

(Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!)

My Hunger Games

March 6, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Am I the only person who hasn’t read The Hunger Games? I am so out of the loop on this book. The movie, opening this month, stars Jennifer Lawrence who was fantastic in Winter’s Bone – a great movie even though it hit a bit too close to home… I don’t know much about the storyline or the plot, but The Hunger Games is first in a series which peaks my interest. Who doesn’t love a good series? I so miss Harry Potter and Hagrid and Professor Dumbledore. Don’t you wonder what the Weasleys have been doing with themselves?

Based on the tiny bit I’ve heard about the book, it reminds me of Shirley Jackson’s short story “The Lottery”, which I read in Mrs. Ashley’s 7th grade English class. Mrs. Ashley was one of those life-changing teachers, introducing me to exciting new authors and clearly explaining the difference between to, too and two. Reading the short story, the class was fascinated to discover the twists and turns of the tale. The villagers offered up a human sacrifice each June to ensure a bountiful harvest. It was an annual event, a civic duty, like voting! Hmmmm, the setting was a small farm village, just like Keiser… The unfortunate ‘winner’, chosen at random by a crude lottery, was stoned to death by friends and family. Even the kids made a game of choosing the largest stones – stones they could barely lift. It was riveting in a horrifying sort of way. It made an impression on junior high students who thrived on scary movies, and the parallels were eerie. Could this ever happen in our bucolic farming community… The farmers would probably cut off an arm for a good crop. Mrs. Ashley assured us that would never happen, but I wasn’t so sure. I knew a lot of interesting farmers. I lived with one.

Even the final storyline in Dark Shadows – scariest soap opera ever (which I realize is redundant) – was based on “The Lottery”. That’s how creepy it was. Will a lottery be celebrated in The Hunger Games? And I’m guessing the protagonists are hungry? Perhaps there is no food in their world? Or they must compete for food? A bit of a reality-show-fight-to-the-death-game? Lord knows we all apparently LOVE reality television shows. Like The Biggest Loser where the starved contestants are forced to survive on air, water and nasty sugar free gum. Is Jillian in this book? She annoys me.

I’m dedicating this week to my own hunger game. After eating our way through Fayetteville last weekend with slabs of delicious ribs at Herman’s and yummy gooey pizza at Geraldi’s, I have declared a one week detox game. Rules of the game: eat only veggies, fruit, beans, rice and drink green tea and water. No wine at least until Friday night’s porch party. Last night’s dinner consisted of a basic green cheese-less salad with roasted okra and brown rice. It was a nice change, although my stomach is growling in protest as I type.

I bought a copy of The Hunger Games at Target yesterday morning along with celery and lettuce. I’m excited to read it. If its half as good as any of the Harry Potter books, I’ll be thrilled. I’m optimistic it will at least keep my wandering mind off my hunger pains. Let the games begin!

talya

Musical Pairings:

John Lennon, “Mind Games”
Duran Duran, “Hungry like the Wolf”

“Be a good sport, Tessie….we all took the same chance.” (The Lottery)

“At last darkness has come…I might have loved you, I might have spared you, but now you must die.” Barnabas Collins, Dark Shadows

Pepperoni Pizza for Prisoners

March 5, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Ken’s Pizza, Eufaula, Ok

It’s not everyday you get to dine with a prisoner chain gang. Driving to Fayetteville Friday, we stopped for lunch in Eufaula, Oklahoma. According to Urbanspoon, our lunch choices included Ken’s Pizza, a sketchy mexican place and I Smell Bacon. Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking. “How, could you pass up I Smell Bacon?” There was much discussion and debate, but we ended up at Ken’s. John loved Ken’s as a kid, and according to the Eufaula foodies, it had the highest rating on Urbanspoon.

As you might expect, the pizza was cold and cardboardish and rice-cake-like. The salad bar – a nod to 1977 – contained a big center bowl of wilted iceberg lettuce surrounded by smaller bowls of fixins such as cheddar cheese, fake bacon bits, purple onions, beets, tomatoes, broccoli and lots of mayonnaise-y salads like pasta, cole slaw, cottage cheese, and macaroni. And many of the veggies were pickled and vinegary, even the cucumbers which was a jolt to the taste buds. To accompany this, ranch, thousand island and bright glo in the dark orange French, which is what I selected. It was like walking through a worm hole into Ken’s in Osceola. I could see myself sitting in the big corner booth, wearing my cheerleader uniform, with Steve, Norma and Vic – after a high school football game.

It was 1:00 – apparently closer to siesta time than lunch time in Eufaula. Other than one lone Billy Ray Cyrus lookalike in the corner booth, we were the only patrons. The leftover pizza slices were sadly lying under those warming lights that are less effective than an Easy Bake Oven. Until the prisoners arrived. They had a reservation.

A large table was prepared in the center of the restaurant, with pitchers of iced tea and place settings complete with silverware (including knives) and napkins. Magically, fresh new hot pizza pies were pulled from the ovens, perfectly timed and placed on the buffet just as the Eufaula prison work crew walked inside wearing matching white and orange striped prisonwear. They were accompanied by the sheriff who provided no sense of security or peace of mind whatsoever. He was slow and stooped and was being trusted with two guns. OhGreat! No doubt, we would soon be involved in a Eufaula hostage situation. (My mother has a history with hostages – another story for another day…)

Eufaula Foodies

The pizza waitress became spirited and animated to see the prison work crew – flirting and talking and patting one guy on the shoulder. She probably went to prom with him? Or he was her cousin Bubba? They lined up, piled their plates with food, and then lunched at their reserved table laughing and talking and chowing down like they were VIPs in town scouting movie locations. Were these popular prisoners the Eufaula foodies who rated Ken’s so favorably on Urbanspoon? Luckily they were well behaved. And, thanks to the prisoners, we enjoyed a slice of hot fresh pizza before leaving.

Did the citizens of this county realize they were paying for the prisoners to eat Ken’s pizza during their litter lunch break? If I go to prison, I want to be on this chain gang. Fresh air and all you can eat pizza buffet. Of course the horizontal stripes are a bit tough to pull off.

talya

Musical Pairings:

Elvis Presley, “Jailhouse Rock”

Johnny Cash, “Folsom Prison Blues”

“We’re rapidly approaching a world comprised entirely of jail and shopping.”
Doug Coupland (Canadian novelist)