Vacation - grace grits and gardening

Losing Myself…again.

July 20, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Lake Norfork

Day Two….

Sandy Island, near Jordan

Kelsey and I set out on the jet ski to buy beer, headed for Tracey Marina. I thought I knew how to get to Tracey Marina from the Sandy Island… turns out not.

Everyone else stayed on the island and prepared for our annual gritty hot dog roast.

The water was RoUgHeR than I expected. Hanging on for dear life with every muscle strained in a full core death grip around Kelsey, she flew full throttle over the waves as I screamed like a little baby girl, my head tucked down buried in her life vest. With Kelsey laughing… laughing until the jet ski started shrilly beeping. Beeping LO FUEL LEVEL. Over and over. With Tracey Marina no where to be seen.

No gas, no sunscreen, no cell phone….

Concentrating on bracing and breathing while shrieking left little time to pay attention to the surrounding landmarks. Eventually from the back of the speeding bullet jet ski I looked up to see nothing familiar….Everything looked different. We may as well have been on Bull Shoals Lake…

** Beep*********** LO FUEL LEVEL **

We flagged down a slow pontoon with two men aboard.

Us: Where is the nearest marina? We are almost out of gas.

Two Men: Follow us, we are headed there. It’s around the corner.

Suddenly, everything came clearly into view and I spotted Robinson Point! While I was trying not to die, we had jetted all the way back to the main channel.

We followed the Two Pontoon Men who were going a leisurely 5 mph farmer pace. They chatted with each other. We broiled. Our jet ski continued to beep and screech periodically. Hopefully they would notice when we completely ran out of gas and fell over into the water…

They led us to Blue Heaven Resort where we had been yesterday on our ‘three hour tour’… Trolling around to the opposite side; however, was Buzzard’s Roost Marina, just where it was supposed to be. Just where it was yesterday. Just where it has been my entire life.

Turns out the Two Pontoon Men worked at Buzzard’s Roost. But unfortunately the gas pumps temporarily didn’t work. So we waited, along with a talkative David Allen Coe-looking customer, also on a jet ski. Our new friend.

We explained our situation to the Pontoon Driving Buzzard’s Roost Man while waiting for gas…

Me: We were trying to find Tracey Marina to buy beer.

Buzzard Man: You are a long way from there.

Me: Yeah. We came here yesterday but thought it was Blue Heaven Resort.

Buzzard Man: Blue Heaven is the private dock over there (pointing). This part is still Buzzard’s Roost.

David Allen Coe Man: You have to be lost to even find this place.

Me: I totally agree! (bonding with Mr. Coe)

Buzzard Man: Pumps are working, you want it filled up?

Me: How much will it cost to fill this up?

Buzzard Man: Probably about $50.

Me: I only have $40. Don’t go a penny over $40 or I’ll have to come back tomorrow to pay.

Buzzard Man: Yeah, like you could find us again.

Me: That’s just rude.

Buzzard Man: But true. (laughing…) What about your beer?

Me: Yeah I need one. But I need gas worse.

FINALLY, we made it back to the Sandy Island with no problems – perfect navigation on my part. ThankYouVeryMuch. No sight of Tracey Marina. Hot dogs had been eaten, smores eaten, everyone ready to pack up and leave the Sandy Island.

Everyone: Where have you been?

Me: Buzzard’s Roost.

Everyone: (Perplexed faces…)

Kelsey: We had another adventure.

Momma: You know I just remembered we could have bought beer right around that corner. Pointing….

talya

Musical Pairings:

Knee Deep, Zac Brown Band

“When you lose yourself, you find a piece of Paradise.” Knee Deep – Zac Brown Band

This Could Be Heaven or This Could Be Hell

July 19, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale

a tale of a fateful trip

that started from the lake side cliffs

aboard this tiny ship.

The lake is very, very low. This makes all the landmarks appear different. The cliffs are higher, the coves are shallower, the docks are shifted. This is our excuse anyway.

For years we had a cabin in a perfectly secluded cove past Buzzard’s Roost Marina. Before Buzzard’s Roost was a full service marina. We KNOW where Buzzard’s Roost is located on the lake. It’s a familiar spot we can find as easily as driving to Newcomb’s in Osceola.

After a morning of jumping from the cliffs, we boated over to Buzzard’s Roost for gas and ice. Just a short ride around a few coves. The sky was partly sunny. It was hot. Beautiful perfect long-awaited lake day.

Tate was a mighty sailing man,

Nana crazy for sure.

Five passengers set sail that day

For a three hour tour, a three hour tour.

Approaching the marina the sign prominently displayed in front said Blue Heaven Resort. WHAT? Suddenly the marina was moved or sold or renamed? Or we were lost? Surely not, but there were no gas pumps to be found. The buzzards circling overhead clearly identified we were in the correct place, or else they too were confused.

Maybe the buzzards follow us due to the condition of our boat and the smell of our skin sizzling?

Slowly trolling while discussing this strange development and scanning the docks for pumps, Ms. Stalya came to a complete abrupt stop, as if we had hit rock bottom jolting the prop. And then she wouldn’t start. No sound. Rude silence. No ice. No water. Buzzards.

A quick inspection of the motor revealed the ski rope harness had somehow become tangled in the motor, wrapping it tightly until choking it off. The harness, made of coated thick wire, would not budge. And then, like a scene manufactured in the unnatural Hunger Games arena, a small black cloud appeared only over us. It instantly burst open pelting us with rain. Driving hard stinging rain, seemingly out of nowhere, drenching everything in the boat.

the weather started getting rough,

the tiny ship was tossed,

if not for the courage of the fearless crew

the Stalya would be lost, the Stalya would be lost.

Just as suddenly, Nana was wearing her purple flowered retro swim cap rendering everyone hysterical but keeping her hair dry. And we knew we would survive.

Surprisingly, we managed to untangle the rope harness from the motor, the boat miraculously started….again, the rain disappeared as quickly as it popped up, and we got the hell out of Blue Heaven cove.

This was day one.

talya

Musical Pairings:

Gilligan’s Island Theme Song

Skipper: Gilligan, why don’t you stop that. You don’t know anything about space.

Gilligan: I know one thing about it. You take up more of it than I do.

The Ms. Stalya and her namesakes
in MUCH younger days…

Holiday Road

July 18, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

I’ve become a dingbat. This seems to coincide with turning 50. A coincidence? I don’t know. Dingbats can’t reason.

Driving into Mountain Home from Yellville, which I have done nearly every summer since the State of Arkansas gave me a license, I stopped at a huge Super Walmart for groceries. Afterwards with the car loaded down, I pulled out of the parking lot, onto the bypass and immediately through downtown passing the other Super Walmart….Huh? The whole point of the bypass is to bypass downtown. Right?

Although baffled about how the bypass still took me through downtown, I was extremely impressed that Mountain Home now has two Super Walmarts. Wow, Mountain Home is really growing!

The bypass in Mountain Home, Arkansas confuses the heck out of me. I drive in Dallas every day never getting lost or turned around. I know every high five interstate and ten lane expressway. I’m the Tate girl who always knows which direction points to the Mississippi River. I’m always the navigator when we go to Ft. Worth or wherever we travel. But NEVER have I gotten on the Mountain Home bypass and really understood where it starts or stops or its purpose in this town. Is it really necessary to bypass downtown when the downtown is teeny?

I think it’s a wormhole.

I was unconditionally convinced there are two new shiny humongous Super WalMarts in a town with 12,000 people and no Starbucks. Makes perfect sense to a new dingbat who is accustomed to a Walgreens on every corner.

My family hasn’t stopped laughing and talking about how I drove around and around the bypass, double counting the same Super Walmart. I attempted to explain myself, stuttering and stammering. I argued that a new Super Walmart had been built on the other end of town, near Gassville. Or maybe I really stopped in Flippin on the way in, instead of Mountain Home. You know all those little towns start to run together. (Ok I knew I wasn’t in Flippin….I was grasping…)

Two days later, still convinced I was correct and attempting to debate this with my children who could debate a politician under the table, I drove back to the ‘second’ Super Walmart to buy hamburger meat and to clear up my family’s confusion. Ready to check out, I searched out not the empty lane but the most normal-looking-checker and posed my question…

Me: Is there a new Super Walmart on the other end of town, like driving in from Gassville?

Checker: No, but there’s an old abandoned Walmart building. It’s empty.

Me: Are you sure?

Checker: Yes. (laughing at me)
Me: When’s the last time you were in Gassville?
Checker: I live there.

Me: Oh. I thought I went to a new one on the other end of town driving in from Yellville, but I got on the bypass and it always gets me so confused.

Checker: I’m gonna need to check your I.D. now.

Me: Because you think I’m a dingbat??

Checker: (laughing) No, because you are buying beer.

Me: Oh.

Checker: (looking at my license) You’re from Texas, where?

Me: Dallas.

Checker: I can’t drive in Dallas, it’s terrible.