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This Could Be Heaven or This Could Be Hell

July 19, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
a tale of a fateful trip
that started from the lake side cliffs
aboard this tiny ship. 

The lake is very, very low. This makes all the landmarks appear different. The cliffs are higher, the coves are shallower, the docks are shifted. This is our excuse anyway.

For years we had a cabin in a perfectly secluded cove past Buzzard’s Roost Marina. Before Buzzard’s Roost was a full service marina. We KNOW where Buzzard’s Roost is located on the lake. It’s a familiar spot we can find as easily as driving to Newcomb’s in Osceola.
After a morning of jumping from the cliffs, we boated over to Buzzard’s Roost for gas and ice. Just a short ride around a few coves. The sky was partly sunny. It was hot. Beautiful perfect long-awaited lake day.
Tate was a mighty sailing man, 
Nana crazy for sure. 
Five passengers set sail that day 
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour. 
Approaching the marina the sign prominently displayed in front said Blue Heaven Resort. WHAT? Suddenly the marina was moved or sold or renamed? Or we were lost? Surely not, but there were no gas pumps to be found. The buzzards circling overhead clearly identified we were in the correct place, or else they too were confused. 
Maybe the buzzards follow us due to the condition of our boat and the smell of our skin sizzling?
Slowly trolling while discussing this strange development and scanning the docks for pumps, Ms. Stalya came to a complete abrupt stop, as if we had hit rock bottom jolting the prop. And then she wouldn’t start. No sound. Rude silence. No ice. No water. Buzzards.  

A quick inspection of the motor revealed the ski rope harness had somehow become tangled in the motor, wrapping it tightly until choking it off. The harness, made of coated thick wire, would not budge.  And then, like a scene manufactured in the unnatural Hunger Games arena, a small black cloud appeared only over us. It instantly burst open pelting us with rain. Driving hard stinging rain, seemingly out of nowhere, drenching everything in the boat.
the weather started getting rough, 
the tiny ship was tossed, 
if not for the courage of the fearless crew 
the Stalya would be lost, the Stalya would be lost. 
Just as suddenly, Nana was wearing her purple flowered retro swim cap rendering everyone hysterical but keeping her hair dry. And we knew we would survive.
Surprisingly, we managed to untangle the rope harness from the motor, the boat miraculously started….again, the rain disappeared as quickly as it popped up, and we got the hell out of Blue Heaven cove. 
This was day one.
talya
Musical Pairings:
Gilligan’s Island Theme Song
Skipper: Gilligan, why don’t you stop that. You don’t know anything about space.
Gilligan: I know one thing about it. You take up more of it than I do.
The Ms. Stalya and her namesakes
in MUCH younger days…

Holiday Road

July 18, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

I’ve become a dingbat. This seems to coincide with turning 50. A coincidence? I don’t know. Dingbats can’t reason.

Driving into Mountain Home from Yellville, which I have done nearly every summer since the State of Arkansas gave me a license, I stopped at a huge Super Walmart for groceries. Afterwards with the car loaded down, I pulled out of the parking lot, onto the bypass and immediately through downtown passing the other Super Walmart….Huh? The whole point of the bypass is to bypass downtown. Right?

Although baffled about how the bypass still took me through downtown, I was extremely impressed that Mountain Home now has two Super Walmarts. Wow, Mountain Home is really growing!

The bypass in Mountain Home, Arkansas confuses the heck out of me. I drive in Dallas every day never getting lost or turned around. I know every high five interstate and ten lane expressway. I’m the Tate girl who always knows which direction points to the Mississippi River. I’m always the navigator when we go to Ft. Worth or wherever we travel. But NEVER have I gotten on the Mountain Home bypass and really understood where it starts or stops or its purpose in this town. Is it really necessary to bypass downtown when the downtown is teeny? 
I think it’s a wormhole.
I was unconditionally convinced there are two new shiny humongous Super WalMarts in a town with 12,000 people and no Starbucks. Makes perfect sense to a new dingbat who is accustomed to a Walgreens on every corner.

My family hasn’t stopped laughing and talking about how I drove around and around the bypass, double counting the same Super Walmart. I attempted to explain myself, stuttering and stammering. I argued that a new Super Walmart had been built on the other end of town, near Gassville. Or maybe I really stopped in Flippin on the way in, instead of Mountain Home. You know all those little towns start to run together. (Ok I knew I wasn’t in Flippin….I was grasping…) 

Two days later, still convinced I was correct and attempting to debate this with my children who could debate a politician under the table, I drove back to the ‘second’ Super Walmart to buy hamburger meat and to clear up my family’s confusion. Ready to check out, I searched out not the empty lane but the most normal-looking-checker and posed my question…
Me: Is there a new Super Walmart on the other end of town, like driving in from Gassville?
Checker: No, but there’s an old abandoned Walmart building. It’s empty.
Me: Are you sure?
Checker: Yes. (laughing at me)
Me: When’s the last time you were in Gassville?
Checker: I live there.
Me: Oh. I thought I went to a new one on the other end of town driving in from Yellville, but I got on the bypass and it always gets me so confused.
Checker: I’m gonna need to check your I.D. now.
Me: Because you think I’m a dingbat??
Checker: (laughing) No, because you are buying beer.
Me: Oh.
Checker: (looking at my license) You’re from Texas, where?
Me: Dallas.
Checker: I can’t drive in Dallas, it’s terrible.
Me: Apparently, I can’t drive in Mountain Home. 
Checker: There is a new Super Walmart in Flippin.
Me: I knew it! 
Checker: I don’t think you were in Flippin. That’s 20 miles away.
Me: Yeah, me neither.
I believe the bypass is broken.
talya
Musical Pairings:
Holiday Road – Vacation Theme Song, Lindsey Buckingham

Hey look kids, there’s Big Ben, and there’s Parliament… again. Clark Griswald – European Vacation

My 50 year old ponytails are
much droopier…
among other things



Lake Child

July 14, 2012 By Talya Tate Boerner

Momma, Daddy, Me, Staci
at the lake
In our family we count down to the lake much like Christmas. Only its better because there’s no shopping stress. Throw some flip flops, t-shirts and bathings suits in a bag and hit the road. There is nothing better.
Of course bathing suit shopping can be extremely stressful, but I don’t much worry about that any more either…
All the kids in our family were born and bred to be lake rats, just as they were raised to love the Razorbacks, country music and cotton.  It takes a special combination of nature and nurture to fully grow into a lake child.

No more sleeps!!!

talya

Musical Pairings:
Let Your Love Flow, Bellamy Brothers

Zach & Taylor

Kelsey & Tate

I hear lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore. . . .I hear it in the deep heart’s core. – William Butler Yeats

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Hi! I'm Talya Tate Boerner. Writer, Reader, Arkansas Master Naturalist / Master Gardener, Author of

THE ACCIDENTAL SALVATION OF GRACIE LEE (2016)

GENE, EVERYWHERE: a life-changing visit from my father-in-law (2020)

BERNICE RUNS AWAY (2022)

THE THIRD ACT OF THEO GRUENE (coming 2025)

Recent Ramblings:

  • Sunday Letter: 11.23.25
  • Maggie and Miss Ladybug: My New Children’s Nature Book
  • Sunday Letter: November 9, 2025
  • Sunday Letter: Oct 26, 2025
  • Sunday Letter: Oct 5, 2025

Novels:

Coloring Books:

Fiction-Themed Coloring Books

Backyard Phenology:

Children’s Nature Book:

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