grace grits and gardening

ramblings from an arkansas farm girl

Do these lip enhancements make my butt look smaller??

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Why on earth do women plump up their lips larger than their noses? Does anyone think it looks natural or youthful? Against my better judgment I went to the mall to buy my favorite body lotion. In and out. Ten minutes max.
The parking lot was packed like Black Friday, mid-week, mid-day. The Dallas economy is booming. I really like this lotion.
One-third of the women I walked passed had enormous fake Angelina lips. Why? Was there a tracker-jacker nest within Northpark? Dallas must be the inflated lip capitol of the world, next to LA. In 10 days, I saw no one in Fayetteville sporting this craziness. (In fairness, I only visited Sherwin Williams, Sonic and Home Depot…) In Dallas, I see 10 people in 10 minutes with this obsession. But these lips can be spotted at the Dallas Home Depot and Sherwin Williams I feel certain.

This looks about as natural to me as those Dancing with the Stars spray on tans.

Men, are these lips luscious and kissable? Or scary?

Do engorged lips look young when the rest of your body is 50+? Do lip injections lead to turkey neck surgery down the road? I just don’t get it.

talya

Musical Pairings:

Adam Ant, “Plastic Surgery”
Sixpence None the Richer, “Kiss Me”

Seller Beware

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Life after State Bank and Trust: I just made my first $9 on Ebay. Yay me!!  I was more excited about that $9 than my last real paycheck which is totally idiotic. But it took me a while to figure out how to list that Ebay item, so I worked pretty hard for that nine bucks. I already knew how to do my bank job.
Nine bucks is nothing to scoff about. I can take that $9, invest it in a high yield bond of some sort and after quarterly compounding in thirty years have $40, which is probably what the item originally cost. Gotta love the magic of interest compounding.
It was really my test run to see how selling on Ebay works. Oh I’ve bought plenty, but this was my first time to sell. I decided to sell a necklace I never wear, because it scratches the back of my neck. I’m sure it cost more than $9, but that’s $8.50 more than I would have gotten at a yard sale. And now its out of my house. I hate clutter.
Of course I don’t really have the $9 yet. According to my PayPal account, it may take up to 21 days for the funds to be available. This sounds sketchy to a former banker. I know about funds availability and this sounds like a Reg CC violation to me. The funds are coming from Tennessee, not China. And my buyer was Ebay “verified” so presumably a real person and not on the Terrorist List. So why so long? Time is money people.
Back in September, I tried my luck with Craig’s List, attempting to sell a bookcase we no longer used. This piece of furniture was becoming more and more valuable with each payment to the storage facility. My listing looked great with lots of pictures. I was thrilled to receive several inquiries about it almost immediately. One man asked to meet me at the storage unit to see the bookcase in person. Wait just un momento Mr. Craig’s List Killer. I know all about this from watching 20-20. I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck. So I sent John to meet with this maniac. 
My potential buyer was driving in from the mid-cities. He got lost trying to find Dallas. John waited and waited for these people as I was driving my friend Craig (no relation to Craig’s List) and his wife to the airport. Finally, our potential buyer/killer showed up 45 minutes late. He and his wife/hostage/accomplice debated and measured and hemmed-hawed around deliberating the merits of this freakin bargain of a bookcase as if they were discussing financing options for their new home. It was well made and stylish and solid wood and trendy. It came from a hip store in Uptown, not that these people had ever been there. They couldn’t find Downtown. John patiently waited and sweated. It was broiling hot in Dallas, in mid-drought season and 100+ degrees in the shade. Finally, after wasting a much coveted Saturday morning, the picky wife decided it wouldn’t work for them. This bookcase which still sits in storage will soon be the most expensive item we own. It’s worth another $350 by now.
Maybe I’ll do better on my next on-line auction item, and just invest my first Ebay $9 in myself. I think I need a Whole Foods salad for lunch. I’ve worked up an appetite just thinking about all this.

talya

Musical Pairings:

Talking Heads, “Psycho Killer”
Blink 182, “Wasting Time”

It’s raining. It’s pouring.

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Wow. Last night East Dallas was nearly washed away into White Rock Lake in the mammoth storm that seemed to hover above the city. Nearby thunder claps and brilliant flashes of lightning lit up the sky and our bedroom, keeping us awake much of the night. In a drought, we desperately need rain, especially since we all know very soon not a droplet will fall from the heavens until at least football season. But this weather show was a bit extreme, stuck over our house. I imagined the arena in The Hunger Games with acid rain and brutal storms manufactured by the evil Capitol. I was glad to be in my comfy bed instead of a wet cave like Katniss and Peeta. Finally I drifted off to sleep with Lucy and Annabelle curled next to me. The thunder even drowned out John’s soft snoring.


I was jolted awake by another wave of heavy rain and bright lighting, but feeling refreshed, I was already anticipating that first cup of coffee after such a long night. Grabbing my iPhone which doubles as a flashlight, I was shocked to discover it was only 12:03! What time did I go to sleep? Obviously, much too early.

At 1:30 I heard that unmistakable screeching sound on the television – like fingernails on a chalkboard – alerting anyone watching of an impending emergency. A tornado was probably headed our direction on its way to Arkansas, and we were all just lying here about to be swept away. Was Tate upstairs watching television, or did the ghost turn it on in an attempt to protect us? I quickly checked my iPhone weather channel, knocking my glasses to the floor in the process. There were 8 (!) weather watches for Dallas County- flash flood, river, airport and severe weather warnings. But thankfully no tornadoes. At some point I fell back asleep expecting to hear evacuation orders from the street.

And then John’s cell phone rang blasting us awake, again. Disoriented, he groped around on the night stand trying to locate it as the ringing continued. It was now 2:15. Never is good news delivered at 2:15. No one calls at 2:15 to say, “Congrats! You won the HGTV dream home!” Or, “You won the Publisher’s Sweepstakes!” Like that even exists. Immediately I worried about a thousand things in that 30 seconds. Why does bad news only come in the early morning hours, when your brain is stuffed with fuzzy cobwebs? 

“Who was it?” I mumbled still half asleep. John answered, “An automated phone message saying my Tel Aviv flight this morning is delayed”. WHAT? “You’re going to Tel Aviv? I was delirious. Did I hear him correctly? Rolling thunder shook the entire house, perfectly timed to emphasize this odd announcement. The windows rattled above my head. Did we have an earthquake too? Of course now I was fully alert, wondering why John was going to Tel Aviv and without my knowledge. He alleged it was a wrong number. Wrong numbers are totally welcome at 2:15.

Finally, after a bit of restless sleep, it was morning at long last. Although it was still dark and stormy, we no longer had to pretend to sleep, twisting and fighting the covers. John wore jeans to work in case he ends up in rushing water on Stemmons Freeway or is forced to abandon the building during midday. As he left the house, the morning news reported 162 American Airlines flights were cancelled. Someone’s arrival in Tel Aviv will be late tonight. And if its John, he better bring me back something good.


Happy first day of spring!

talya

Musical Pairings:

Maroon 5, “Come Away to the Water”
The Secret Sisters, “Tomorrow will be Kinder”

Food. Farm. Garden. Life.

THANKS FOR READING!