grace grits and gardening

ramblings from an arkansas farm girl

Deputy Nana

By

My mother the deputy
Deputy BAT

My mother was hauled down to the bowels of the Memphis International Airport when the x-ray machine spotted her pistol in the bottom of her purse. It was simply a silly misunderstanding, but nevertheless the FAA frowned on it, even pre-September 11. The security agent may not have detected the firearm, which is a scary notion, but as the purse disappeared into the machine’s black hole Momma gasped in a guilty panic, “Oh no!”, drawing more attention to herself than normal. 

“Run that purse through again,” the agent ordered.

Prior to the incident, she had only begun to pack. An Arkansas State Trooper friend encouraged she carry a gun after the recent shootout at her house. A tri-state manhunt and interstate roadblock ended with one escaped prisoner dead at her back door, his cellmate shot and injured in the bean field out back and their terrified hostage at Momma’s kitchen table. Anyone who knows our family, knows this excitement is typical for us.

Bullet holes still nick the spanish tile floors inside the house as a constant reminder and conversation starter. Not that she ever needs a conversation starter. In the time it takes to check out at Wal-Mart, my mother has a talent for learning the innermost secrets of the person queued up behind her. 

Barney Fife

But like overzealous Barney Fife, my mother’s gun mainly just created problems. It was an innocent mistake, an unfortunate accident resulting in twelve months of probation. 

Clearly these people in Tennessee didn’t know who she was. 

She was forced to walk a fine line as she met monthly with her probation officer in Memphis and attended court with other criminals. Thomas Tate, much like Andy Taylor, was surprisingly calm throughout this ordeal. But really, what choice did he have?


Upon successfully fulfilling the terms of probation including not drinking wine at the country club, her record was completely expunged. She could vote again. And since that nightmare, to our knowledge, she has managed to keep her nose clean. We are so proud.

Mississippi County Arkansas

Last week at home while spring breaking with my sister and her kids, Momma was sworn in as honorary deputy of Mayberry Mississippi County, receiving a badge and identification card at the county jail. Oh, if Thomas Tate had lived to see this day.

How many kids in Plano, Texas returned to school saying, “We spent our spring break gambling at the horse track after a quick trip to Graceland. Oh and our Nana was sworn in as deputy at the county farm?” ZERO. But we had an educational spring break, learning that with hard work anyone can get their life back on track. 

talya

Grace Grits and Gardening
Farm. Food. Garden. Life.

Musical Pairing:

Elvis Presley, Jailhouse Rock

“I say this calls for action now. Nip it in the bud.” Barney Fife

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Comments

  1. Nice to hear the story again! There will never be another BAT! I enjoyed the piece.
    Carlene

  2. Cute, loved the story. I remember when this happened. Wasn,t Frances or Reven in the hospital?

  5. I’m glad The BAT abandoned her criminal past and was able to become a clean-cut, productive member of society. 🙂

    I remember hearing that story back when it happened. I’m glad you’re all able to laugh. Some people would curl up into a ball.

  6. Awesome story! I remember hearing it several times through the years and still tell it myself from time to time. Dear Uncle Tom, Spunky Aunt Barbara, and all of you are very special to us!

    🙂 Ashley

  8. yes ,,love reading this story again about my twin sister Barbaragail.she is one in a million,,,needs to write her life story…I am proud to call her my friend,cousin,sister…all that good stuff…but be careful when you run around with her,,,never know what may happen but all for good now cause she is deupty sheriff…a changed woman,,,(well not too sure about that) love her …thanks Tayla for posting this again ,,very good writing…you are gifted and special…keep it going,,,love,gail

  10. Another favorite! I MUST meet Barbara in person! We are already “friends” but we need to seal it with a hug!

  12. Cool story, although I must point out the spelling on the pic is wrong! I believe its spelled Luxola, because that’s how I’ve always heard folks say it!

Food. Farm. Garden. Life.

THANKS FOR READING!