grace grits and gardening

ramblings from an arkansas farm girl

Late Confession

By

Now that a few days have passed and I haven’t been punted from the Boerner family, a true confession…

I was late for my mother-in-law’s FUNERAL. 
NEVER am I late for anything. In fact, I’m usually annoyingly twenty minutes early.
I have 3 lame excuses.
 
  1. I felt the need to iron my shirt. I rarely iron and I am slow. While I ironed I worked on a blog that percolated in my head. This added a few minutes to my routine.
  2. While ironing, Lucy and Annabelle slopped around like pigs in their own back yard mud run, returning with muck up to their collars. I washed eight nasty paws/legs to save the furniture. This seemed unavoidable and added a few more minutes to my routine.
  3. I had a complete underwear meltdown. This panty debacle was the true pre-funeral time waster.
I packed haphazardly bringing an odd assortment of clothing, underwear and shoes with no thought to matching up anything. My nice gray slacks seemed a bit tighter than the last time I wore them (dry cleaners) making panty pairing crucial. 
I tried on every pair of panties with my gray slacks, each time assessing my rear view in the full length mirror. Panty lines glared as the dogs stared. 

Where can I buy one of those skinny mirrors found in every mall dressing room? The ones that make you fork over too much money only to find you look just like your lumpy self once back home in front of a normal non-carny mirror… I want one. 

I even tried on my slacks commando. NOT a good option for many, many reasons. 
Finally, I went with my best ill-fitting pair and made it to the funeral 5 minutes late. Teetering into the chapel on heels I had forgotten how to wear (since leaving my real job) and flashing panty lines like neon, I was duly mortified. I know my mother-in-law was laughing…
talya
Musical Pairing:

I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date. No time to say “Hello, Goodbye”. I’m late, I’m late, I’m late! –  White Rabbit, Alice in Wonderland

I haven’t had a decent pair of panties since Mammaw Tate died… – Staci Tate Sandquist 

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Comments

  1. Those dry cleaners always shrink clothes! Never have they fit the same after being cleaned! 🙂 I can’t believe you were late; I can vouch for the fact that you are always early! You know Pauline didn’t care – she was glad for the laugh you gave her. 🙂

  3. HAHA!!! Your ‘artism’ is showing through…haha…Artism is what I define as when an artist is locked in a creative mindset, and thus, losing track of time, which can be good, or not so good…haha…This story is Too funny, and isn’t ironic that when you’re in a hurry, everyone else seems to be extra slow. I don’t know if it’s irony, Murphy’s Law, or just that we’re in such a frantic rush and in fear of being late, that everyone else seems to be ‘snail mode.’ It never fails, if I’m running late and driving as fast as I can to get somewhere, some self-absorbed idiot driver pulls out right in front of me and apparently drives the entire time with their foot on the brake. Anyhow, I hate being late, myself, though regretfully, I usually am. It’s embarrassing and I know it’s rude, as it appears as though I think my time is more important than others, but I don’t feel that way at all. I think my biggest problem is a gene problem. My Dad was always slow, and my Mom, bless her heart, is always late….so see, I didn’t have a chance!=)

  4. I love your confessions! Bless your heart – and if menopause is knocking on the door, you were probably sweating, to boot! I have sure had my own panty – and there’s nothing quite like a ‘granny panty’ dilemma. Sigh….

    (((Hugs)))

    PS…love that quote by Staci!
    Cousin, Cindy “Lu”

  6. I’m sorry about your mother-in-law, but you are cracking me up! I wanted to thank you for visiting my blog and saying nice things about my fall yard display. I tried to reply via email, but you are a “no-reply” blogger. (In case you didn’t know.) I’m a Missouri farm girl and am enjoying your blog tonight. Happy to be following you via GFC and looking forward to more!

    • Thanks Danni! I didn’t know I’m a no-reply blogger – not sure what that means. Something else for me to figure out – LOL. I’m glad I found your blog. We farm girls need to stick together:))

  8. Haha I’m glad you didn’t get disowned, Mom. I can totally relate to this feeling. When I don’t have some kind of an idea of what I’m going to wear, things always take wayyyy longer than they should, especially when there’s a panty line problem.

  9. I’m only late when I really don’t want to go somewhere. I suspect you were late cuz you weren’t ready to say goodbye yet!

  10. These follow up comments are quite entertaining! I guess you could op for no panties. Tee hee!

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