Yesterday at the nail salon I
a) nearly drowned
b) was almost electrocuted
c) both a and b
The soundtrack at my insanely entertaining nail salon yesterday was The Lonely Goatherd from The Sound of Music. You remember the song – Maria and the children sang it during the marionette show for the Father, the number with all the yodeling. The song was apparently stuck, playing over and over, but naturally I was the only one who seemed to notice.
The girl in the spa chair adjacent to me began talking to the customer in the far chair about her sugar daddy. This piqued my curiosity. She gushed on and on, having to speak loudly over the yodeling goatherd. “You will looooove my sugar daddy.” How brazen! People will say anything.
I pretended to play Angry Birds as I waited for the hot water to fill the bowl at my feet, nonchalantly glancing over at this girl with the sugar daddy from time to time. She had big Katy Perry eyes framed by very long, lush eyelashes. Was this Katy Perry sitting next to me? She had chewed up fingernails which did not pair well with those thick luxurious eyelashes. I wondered what her sugar daddy thought about that nasty little habit?
As the yodeling seemed to get louder, it became more difficult to eavesdrop. “I loved Fiji too!” she positively gushed with excitement. Well, I guess so. She obviously hit the jackpot. He took those gnawed nails to Fiji!?
Lay ee odl lay ee odl lay hee hoo.
Just at that moment water began to spew out from underneath one of the middle spa chairs like a fountain. It flowed across the floor around all the chairs. The nail workers began pointing and chattering and stuffing towels everywhere, attempting to sop up the rising water. As another lady began to mop and bail, everyone else quickly turned back to their buffing and polishing like nothing had happened, as if a nail salon flood was business as usual.
As the water creeped toward my chair, I felt the massage component inside my chair jolt and jerk a bit. Quickly grabbing the remote, I turned off the massage feature before I found myself ejected across the street into the Texaco station or worse. “You no want massage?” Kim asked me, looking dumbfounded. “I no want to be electrocuted!”
Amazingly, this flooded salon continued to seat new customers, wading them through the water as they looked around a bit confused. Maybe we should sand bag? Katy Perry’s friend tiptoed through the puddle of water toward the front to pay, careful not to make a wake. As she passed Katy she said, “I looove my sugar daddy. It’s the perfect shade of pink.” Dang. It was a polish color. I was NOT on top of my game. That yodeling was throwing me off.
Tom Jones, “Sugar Daddy”
Julie Andrews, “My Favorite Things”