grace grits and gardening

ramblings from an arkansas farm girl

Spring Nail Color

By 13 Comments

Kim: “What happen your nails?”
Me: “I’ve been painting and working in the yard.”
Kim: “No! Your nails bad. You wear gloves!” Kim was clearly annoyed. I was anxious.
Me: “I did wear gloves. Well, sometimes.”
ChatterChatterChatterHeadshakingChatterChatterStinkEyeChatter. I’m in trouble with the Vietnamese. I should have gotten my nails done somewhere in Fayetteville…
As Kim began scraping away at the Westinghouse White oil-based paint still imbedded in my unruly cuticles, I worried that perhaps I would be ticketed or charged extra for bad cuticle maintenance. But no matter how disgusting my nails were from working on our home renovation project, I knew I wouldn’t be refused service. They will run down men with gnarly feet and huge hairy toes in the parking lot to make twenty bucks. Oh sure these nail ladies pretended sheer delight when I walked in the door, but they could turn on you very quickly and without warning. I’ve witnessed it time and time again. When my friends Becky and Christie visited last month, Christie was nearly slapped and escorted out for accidentally messing up one of her fingernails while underneath the drying lamps. Her picture is probably posted in the back room by the small television and microwave where they watch soap operas and re-heat noodle dishes at lunchtime. 
Becky and Christie enjoying fine nail treatment.
(Note:  Kim in the background.)

Quickly Kim began to work her magic and transform my nails – apparently no permanent harm done. Whew. I began to breathe and relax. I smiled at her but her return expression was more of a grimace with hardened eyes. I could see her neck veins. “I’ll do better next time.” I offered. “Yes. You do better,” Kim softened a bit, I thought.

About that time, a girl walked in – I recognized her as a regular patron. She wanted a pedicure only. Fine Nails hates this. They expect everyone to get the full package deal. She sat in the spa chair beside me and insisted in only a pedicure. Kim pretended she didn’t speak English. “You want manicure too.” It was a statement, not a question. “No, I just had my nails done.” Ooooohhhh big mistake. Kim glared at her, picked up her hand, and began to inspect her long red fake solar nails. The girl began to scramble. “I was in a wedding and we all had our nails done together and I had no choice.” GLARING SILENCE. “They weren’t nearly as good as you Kim. Blah Blah crawfish crawfish.” Her voice cracked. “What you pay?” quizzed Kim. “$40.” Kim just laughed an evil laugh. “I do it for $35.” Girl you are so toast.

Thanks to the chatty bridesmaid, I was totally off the hook and could now enjoy my foot massage. There was normal music playing. Hmmmm an interesting and welcomed change to the typical fall of Saigon musical renditions. Then, glancing around the salon, I noticed since I had been out of town spring had sprung at Fine Nails. Seasonal color was “planted” around the windows in the form of wicker baskets filled with pink plastic azalea plants. A very fake Anthurium plant sat in the corner, and there were seven plastic spider plants in hanging baskets all around the room. Did they host a wedding here and not invite me? Kinda rude.

I am just not a fan of the fake flower hanging basket decoration. The new spring greenery was already coated in a fine layer of fingernail dust. I could feel my sinuses clogging. Just imagine how grubby these plants will be by the time fake fall mums are available for sale at Garden Ridge. This color pop certainly added to the overall ambiance. Fine Nails had gotten just a little bit finer. If that is possible. 

Kim: “I fix your nails.”
Me: “Thank you Kim.”
Kim: “No more paint.”
Me: “No more paint.” I shook my head in agreement like a scolded child. I was probably on double secret nail probation…
I was extra careful not to mess up my toes as I sat under the drying lamp. That would be the last straw with these people. I went straight home and found myself deadheading flowers in my back garden within the hour. Oh well. Kim will never know.
talya
Musical Pairings:
Steve Winwood, “The Finer Things”
Radiohead, “Fake Plastic Trees”
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” Mitch Hedberg

Wanna receive my monthly Newsletter? Sign up here!

Comments

  1. Anonymous says

    I knew you were going to be in trouble. Glad they did you nails. Enjoyed the read. theBAT

    Reply

  2. Anonymous says

    your nail salon stories are my faves T … thought I might wet myself I laughed so hard! Kathy H

    Reply

  3. Angi Cartwright says

    Great read. Talk about fake flowers, we saw an older man on a back gravel road chopping around his fake outdoor tulips. We still laugh when we go by this place.

    Reply

  4. Anonymous says

    “My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.” Mitch Hedberg

    Mitch Hedberg was one of my favorites. RIP

    Check out his standup online at Pandora (free). He was so funny, 🙂

    Reply

  5. Kaa says

    If I ever write a scene in a story with someone at a nail salon, I now have a perfect reference. I’ll cite you. Really.

    Also: “Oh well. Kim will never know.”

    Oh, ye of little faith. She probably has spies following you. The Vietnamese Nail Mafia. You are SO busted.

    Reply

  7. Pansy says

    I think we do too but ours always glare at you and carry on a conversation in their language then giggle. I often wonder what they are saying then decide; I really don’t care. Just make my nails look good! Loved the story!!!!!

    Reply

COMMENT:

Food. Farm. Garden. Life.

THANKS FOR READING!